Redheads and Succubi
by Jonakhensu
Summary: This is an approximation of what potentially COULD have happened IF Genma hadn't [completely] broken a certain promise long ago... This is also my first real fanfic, and I think it is rather well written. Please read and enjoy.
1. Ranma arrives

Hello, this is Jonakhensu, and I'm here to present my first true fanfic. I do not own Ranma ½, nor do I own any other animes, mangas, television shows, books, etc. referenced in this story. If you find a problem with my grammar or plot continuity please tell me so I can attempt to rectify it. Further more, this is starting out as a pure Ranma ½ AU fic, though other series may make cameos or even be a substantial portion of the story. Please enjoy this mostly serious fic.

**Redheads and Succubi**

Chapter One: Ranma Arrives

At a certain dojo in the Nerima district of Tokyo, a man received his mail with elation. Looking at the odd postcard, with the picture of two girls and a panda against a Chinese backdrop, Soun Tendo decided that a family meeting was in order. Calling his three daughters, Kasumi, Nabiki, and Akane, to the dining room, the Tendo patriarch began his explanation of the current situation, "One of the three of you is to be engaged to the son of my training partner, and good friend, Genma Saotome."

Instantly, the three girls simultaneously bellowed, "Engaged!"

For their benefit, Soun clarified. "Yes. The son's name is Ranma Saotome." For some odd reason, the sky turns pitch black and thunder shakes the very ground, though no one seemed to notice. "If one of you three girls were to marry him, and carry on this training center, then the Tendo family legacy would be secured."

Akane, still wearing her training Gi, took this time to make her opinion known. "Wait a minute! Don't we have some say in whom we marry?"

Nabiki, in a pair of shorts and a tank top, agreed, saying, "Akane's right, Daddy, we've never even _met_ Ranma."

Mr. Tendo conceded this point, but stressed another point at the same time. "Heh heh. That's easily fixed." Kasumi, who hadn't contributed to the conversation at all, looked distinctly worried as she observed the devious look on her father's face.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Meanwhile, in the Juuban ward, two figures were running in the streets, fighting each other. One was a red haired girl wearing a red Chinese shirt and black kung-fu pants, while the other appeared to be a giant panda. As they fought, pedestrians watched, only slightly shocked. After all, Juuban is rather well known for its weirdness.

There were five noticeable exceptions to this, however, as five girls were meeting at a particular shrine and never anticipated a panda leaping across half of the shrine complex, followed by a redhead calling the panda "Pops." They were equally unprepared for the winged figure that swooped past them, chasing after both the girl and the panda. Usagi was the first to notice that all of their snackage was now missing, and she hadn't even gotten to eat any (meaning more than half) of it yet!

Ami looked up from her textbook and mildly asked, "Did a youma just fly past us, or did someone treat my books with drugs, again?"

Rei was thoughtful for a moment before she gave her estimation. "Ami, you aren't seeing things, though I don't think it was a youma. I didn't sense any negaverse energy emanating from it."

The redheaded girl eventually knocked the panda to the ground, with the winged specter circling over head. The girl hits the panda again, exclaiming, "This whole thing sucks! Picking my fiancé for me without even asking! I'm going back to China! Suck on that, old man!" The girl turned around, only to be struck by the panda a second she dropped her guard. With a nearly inaudible shriek, the winged silhouette dive-bombed the panda, only to be slammed into the ground. With both the girl and the winged apparition unconscious, the panda was free to sling them over its shoulder before started to continue its path down the street. It stopped for a second as the people around it started whispering to one another about its appearance and roared, scaring the spectators enough for them to move out of its way.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Back at the Tendo's Martial Arts School of Indiscriminate Grappling, Soun was further describing, if that is the word to use, the arrangement regarding Ranma. "Ranma and his father have been on a voyage of training. Recently, it seems, they crossed into China."

Akane turned away, complaining, "What's so great about walking to China?"

The always sensible Nabiki asked, "Is he cute?"

Kasumi questioned, "How old is he? Younger men bore me. What kind of guy is this Ranma?"

Soun laughed nervously, and replied straight faced, "No Idea."

Nabiki leaned towards her father, and asked, in a threatening manner, "'No Idea?'"

Soun, still serious, elaborated, "I've never met him."

Before any of the girls could berate him for being so stupid, the sounds of a struggle were heard from outside of the dojo. A voice shouted, "Leggo, y'ol' fool!"

Kasumi immediately stood up, and casually remarked, "We have visitors!"

Nabiki was quickly running towards the door, calling out, "Oooo! It must be Ranma!"

Soun quickly fallowed, with the words, "Saotome, my friend! We've been waiting!" Soon, however, both Nabiki and Soun were sprinting back up the hall, chased by a panda with two figures slung over its shoulders.

One of the figures, turned to face forwards, and reprimanded the panda. "Hey yo! You're scaring them spitless!"

Kasumi looked startled, and asked, "Daddy… This… is your friend?"

Nabiki immediately shouted, "Oh, so this PANDA just decided to visit! Happens all the TIME!"

The panda plopped one of the figures, a redhead with a braided pigtail down in front of the Tendos. Soun started tentatively, "You… wouldn't be…"

"Ranma Saotome," the youth replied, playing with her pigtail. "Sorry 'bout this."

Tendo acted quickly, grasping Ranma by the arms and pulling him into a hug, saying, "AT LAST! You've come! It's so good of you to come! So- Hmm? Wha…?" Soun pushed the lad away to better observe him.

Nabiki looked thoughtful and reached out to test her hypothesis, by poking Ranma in the chest, repeatedly, before exclaiming, "'He' is a _girl_." This simple statement was met with silence, save for the sound of a wind chime.

Moments later, Soun was on his back, crying. Kasumi prepared a damp compress while sympathetically saying, "Oh, poor Daddy. He's so disappointed."

Nabiki angrily roared, "HE'S disappointed! Some fiancé THIS is!"

Akane chastised her two older sisters, declaring, "Stop it you two! He… SHE… is our GUEST!"

Nabiki, however, continued. "This is all your fault Daddy! You should have made sure!"

Soun bellowed, "Well, he said he had a SON!"

Nabiki prodded Ranma's chest some more, asking, "Do you see a son here? Hmm? Do you?"

Ranma bashfully commented, "Um… I really wish you'd stop that."

The second figure, who hadn't been noticed in all the excitement, asked, "Uh, what about me?"

The Tendos slowly turned to the mysterious figure, and Kasumi asked, "Excuse me. Who are you?"

As the figure took a step into the light to respond, its features came into view. The Tendos gaped at the strange girl before them, surprised when they realized she had leathery wings, pointed ears, and a flattish, yet surprisingly cute, nose. She was also several inches shorter than Ranma. The first person to recover enough to speak was Kasumi, who managed to whisper, "Oh my!"

Akane, after recovering from the shock, violently shouted, "She's a succubus! She must be here to seduce Daddy and steal his soul!" She prepared to attack, only to find Ranma standing in her way.

The apparent succubus just giggled for a few seconds before stating, "I'm not a succubus; I'm really more of a vampire." Upon hearing this, the Tendos just stared, noting the bright sunlight that was breaking through the cloud cover outside.

Again, Akane attempted to attack the self proclaimed vampire, screaming, "The unholy monster must have Ranma under her spell and is going to drain us of all of our blood!" The attack might have actually proved successive had Ranma not been in the way. Then again, the vampire girl _might_ be able to fight for herself.

The vampire just frowned, before elaborating, "True I am a vampire, but not in the way you mean. I don't blood drinking and I'm not undead. The word 'vampire' actually refers to being bat-like. I am a girl who is like a bat, hence vampire." (Apparently this isn't true. Just pretend Ukyo made the mistake.)

Kasumi took this time to interject her own question, inquiring, "If I may interrupt, what is your name?"

The bat-girl looked at the eldest Tendo sister and replied, "I am Ukyo Kuonji." I've been training with Ranchan here ever since he was six."

Nabiki quirked an eyebrow at Ukyo's choice of pronouns, and took the opportunity to feel Ranma up again and to ask a very personal question. "Ranma, are you a transvestite? Your breasts feel too real for you to be a cross dresser and Ukyo said you were once male…"

"I still am," Ranma interrupted. "Or, rather, I will be as soon as I get some hot water."

Akane was thoroughly confused now, but disregarded her confusion in preference of sparring with Ranma and Ukyo, as they were both girls, so they couldn't be perverts like all boys are, and she needed to keep an eye on Ukyo anyways. "I'm Akane, want to be friends? Come on, Ranma, Ukyo; let's go out to the dojo and spar!" The other two girls were thrown off by Akane's rapid personality change, so they only nodded and followed Akane to the dojo. Once there, Akane turned to Ranma and asked, "You do karate, don't you?"

Ranma shrugged and replied, "A little."

Akane was exited; her new friend had the same interests she did! She contained her joy and suggested, "Then let's have a little match, okay?" As soon as Ranma's confusion became evident, Akane continued, saying, "Just for fun. Don't worry. I won't hurt you."

Ranma only replied, "If you say so."

Ukyo, however, asked, "Is this going to be a three way match, or do you only want to take one of us on at a time?"

Akane thought for a minute. If she fought both at once, they might gang up on her, and they both looked like they knew about half as much as she did about martial arts, so they might be able to beat her. Still, she really only wanted to be friends with Ranma, not the vampire, who would most likely cheat and try to drain her of her blood. Therefore, she answered, "I think I'll spar against Ranma first. Is that all right?"

Both Ranma and Ukyo just shrugged. While Ranma dropped into a relaxed stance, with both arms behind her back, Ukyo walked over to a wall and sat down against it, careful to keep her wings from being crushed. Akane took a much more aggressive stance and then charged Ranma and released a powerful, yet slower than normal blow. Ranma easily dodged the blow by jumping straight up and avoided the following kick by simply throwing her legs to the sides, giving herself an extra foot or so of clearance, allowing the kick to slide under her.

As Akane continued to attack Ranma, all of her punches and kicks missed Ranma as she bent or jumped away at the last second. Akane started to wonder what was happening. She shouted out, "What's wrong? Swing at me!" Ranma ignored her and continued to only dodge the increasingly violent attacks. Akane thought to herself, 'Why… Why am I missing her? Is she reading my moves?' Akane grew determined and thought to herself, 'Okay. This time' "FOR REAL!" Her last thought was shouted out as she threw a powerful punch, only to have Ranma jump over her at the last second, leaving Akane to punch a hole into the wall of the dojo.

Ranma landed lightly behind Akane and gently tapped Akane on the back of the head. Both youths laughed nervously, while Ukyo stood up and walked over. When she joined the group, she addressed Akane, "You know, you're lucky you fought against her instead of me. I don't as much of a problem about hitting back." Akane worried about this. If this vampire girl was as good as Ranma, then Akane wouldn't be able to protect her family from ant of the vampire's attacks.

She pushed such thoughts from her mind for the moment and addressed Ranma, "You're pretty good. Well, I'm just glad you're a girl. It's just that I'd really hate to lose to a _boy_!" Akane failed to see the rather nervous look Ranma was sporting at the moment.

Meanwhile, a certain panda had managed to find the furo and was enjoying a nice, hot soak. Shortly after he completed his soak, he went to properly meet his old friend. The two old friends sat facing each other, with streams of tears running down their cheeks.

Nabiki poked her head into the kitchen to ask, "Kasumi? Who's that old guy?"

Without even looking up from her cooking, Kasumi replied, "Got me." Shortly there after, Kasumi went outside and called out, "Ranma! Ukyo! Come on! Wouldn't you like to take a bath?"

Ranma looked towards Ukyo and back to Kasumi before responding, "Huh? NO! I mean… It's okay." Ukyo nodded is stout agreement.

"No it's not!" Kasumi declared. "You two must be all sweaty from your workout!" While both girls were sweaty, it had more to do with their fight against Genma than the workout. Still, it was impossible to deny Kasumi's hospitality.

Both Ranma and Ukyo were in the furo, which didn't bother either of them, since they had often bathed together during their training journey. As they washed up, both shivered and complained about the cold water they were using. Sure, they always bated in cold water before, not having any way to heat it up, but that didn't mean they liked it. After they finished washing off, they both entered the fur and relaxed, glad to be warm again. Still, both considered what they should do now. Unfortunately, their hands were about to be forced as Nabiki saw Akane in the hall and gave her some welcome news.

"Akane! Bath's ready!" Nabiki called out to her sister, who happily thanked her.

As Akane prepared to enter the furo, Ranma and Ukyo came to a decision. "Well, they'd find out anyways. Sooner or later. We may as well go out like this," Ranma reasoned as he stepped out of the bath, followed by Ukyo. Unfortunately, it was at the exact same time Akane opened the furo door, leaving her to see both Ranma and Ukyo nude in normal form, and for Ukyo and the now male Ranma to see her nude as well. The trio looked at each other for a second or so before Akane quickly shut the door and walked away, putting on a robe as she went. Ranma blinked and muttered, "That was odd."

Suddenly, Akane screamed, startling the rest of the household, and ran outside, grabbing a large stone, saying, "I'll weigh him down! I'll drown him in the bathtub!"

"Nabiki stood in Akane's path back into the house and asked, "Akane, what is it? What's that for?"

Akane shouted back, "There's a pervert in the bathroom!"

Nabiki was confused, so she asked, "Why don't you just kill him with your bare hands?

Akane screamed, "Because I'm AFRAID!"

Kasumi walked out of the house then, and stated, "That's odd. Ranma and Ukyo were in the bath just now." She noticed two people standing in front of their sisterly group, and started, "Uh… Who… Who…"

Nabiki managed to finish the question. "Who are you?"

The boy rubbed the back of his head embarrassed, and said, "I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry 'bout this."

The girl by his side also introduced herself, "I'm Ukyo Kuonji." The three Tendo sisters just stared in shock.

Once everyone reconvened in the house, with the three girls facing the old man, the boy claiming to be Ranma, and the girl claiming to be Ukyo, Soun addressed his daughters, "I'll explain it once more. This is my dear old friend…"

"Genma Saotome" The old man finished. "And this is my son…"

"Ranma." The boy continued the pattern of finishing another's sentence. "And this is my friend and training partner…"

"Ukyo," The wingless girl supplied, further continuing the chain.

After a few seconds of silence, Nabiki asked, "What's this all about!"

Kasumi took the opportunity to inquire, "Are you really _her_? That same girl?"

Genma thought for a moment, "Hmmm. Where should I begin? I know…" He then proceeded to chuck Ranma into the koi pond.

When Ranma resurfaced, she spat out the water she had almost swallowed, and angrily asked, "What the hell are you doing?"

The Tendo girls stared yet again, and Kasumi remarked, "Now he's a _girl_!"

Genma sobbed, "Ohhh. My own son. So humiliating. So humiliating." Ukyo shook her head sadly and kicked Genma into the koi pond, where he naturally turned back into a giant panda.

Ranma stood before the panda and asked, "Who are you to talk?"

Kasumi calmly spoke to her father, "Daddy? Why are you friends with them?"

Soun replied, "They weren't like this before! Not before they went to China… and undertook that terrifying training exercise!"

Ranma and Genma took a quick trip to the furo before Genma continued the grisly tale. "Ah, yes," Genma began. "It was two fateful weeks ago…" There is a wavy effect as a flashback sequence initiates.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Genma, Ranma and Ukyo were at Mt. Quanjing, in the Bayankala Range in the Quinghai Provence of china. Ukyo was sporting a massive spatula on her back. A guide native to the area pointed to the springs in front of him. "Here, sir. Is legendary 'Training Ground of Accursed Springs.'"

Genma looked straight ahead and asked, "Are you prepared Ranma? Ukyo?"

Ranma looked around and said, "This place isn't so impressive." Ukyo agreed.

"You very strange one, no, sir?" the guide asked. "This place very dangerous. Nobody use now. Is more than one hundred spring here… and every one has own tragic legend!"

Genma hadn't been paying any attention, so he sprang out over the springs, yelling, "Ranma, Ukyo, follow me!"

Even as Ranma and Ukyo jumped after Genma, the guide panicked, shouting out, "Ah! Sir! What you doing?" Even as he finished yelling out, the three martial artists were landing, balancing on the shoots of bamboo sticking up from any given pool.

Genma took a ready permission and announced, "I won't go easy on you!"

Ukyo called back, "That's how we want it."

As the three jumped towards each other, the guide shouted, "Please sir! Very bad if you fall in spring!" When the three met in mid air, Ukyo was sent down into one of the springs by a kick from Genma. Ranma noticed that Ukyo didn't resurface and on the next pass knocked Genma into another spring. Out of said spring arose one angry panda, which landed on one of the bamboo shoots and assumed a fighting stance. "That is 'Spring of Drowned Panda!' There is tragic legend, very tragic, of panda… who drown there two thousand year ago! Now whoever fall in that spring take body of panda!"

Ranma looked at his panda father and back to the spring that Ukyo fell into, and muttered, "Oh, no." The panda attacked, forcing Ranma to dodge, while yelling, "Wait a second! You never said anything about-" Ranma was cut off when the panda's swipe hit him, flinging him into one of the springs.

The guide flinched back, mourning the boy's fate. "Ohhh! Not 'Spring of Drowned Girl!'" Ukyo was just recovering from her own plunge and saw Ranma plunging into one of the pools. Not noticing the change in perspective, Ukyo flung herself into the air and flew into the pool after Ranma. When Ranma resurfaced seconds later, she heard the guide continue, "There is tragic legend, very tragic, of young girl who drown in spring… one thousand five hundred year ago! Now whoever fall in that spring… take body of young girl!" Ranma pulled his shirt open and stared at his new assets. "You see what I mean?"

Ranma then felt something grabbing onto her, and looked to see what it was. A completely nude girl with black wings and a flattish nose had her arms wrapped around Ranma's body, with her hands dangerously close to the new additions to Ranma's chest. Ranma shouted, "What the hell! Where did this demon come from?"

The demon looked hurt and she whispered, "Ranchan, it's me, Uuchan."

The guide stared in shock, not believing what he saw. "Young miss fall in 'Spring of Drowned Bat.' Then fall in 'Spring of Drowned Girl.' Is mix of two spring. Tragic. very tragic."

The view is distorted again as the flashback came to the end, and real time resumed.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

There is silence, as the Tendos sit at the conclusion of the horrid story. The wind chimes sound again. Finally, Soun speaks. "The legendary 'Grounds of Accursed Springs.' Its true horror has always been shrouded in mystery. But now…"

Ranma growled angrily, "Feh. What do you mean, 'true horror?'" Ranma shot forward and grabbed his father by the gi, with Ukyo standing next to him, suddenly holding one disturbingly large spatula. "Yo old man-"

Ukyo finished Ranma's thought, "What's the idea dragging us to a place like that, anyway?"

Genma suddenly chucked both Ranma and Ukyo into the koi pond, shouting, "You sound like a woman! Were you not prepared to give your life for the sake of your training?"

"My life, yes," Ranma started, before splashing Genma with cold water and shouting, "My manhood is another story!" Genma and Ranma start fighting in a disturbingly incompetent manner, and Ukyo just shook her head.

"At least you still have your humanity!" The winged girl muttered.

"Oh, what a tragedy!" Soun cried as he watched the girl fight the panda.

Kasumi had had enough of the pointless violence for the moment, so she berated both antagonists, "Stop that! You just went _too far_, Mr. Saotome! What ever made you do something so dangerous?" At this point, the panda dropped a flyer to the ground that Kasumi proceeded to pick up. "It's Chinese. A map… and guide book?"

Nabiki inspected the flyer more closely. "Something about… 'Training grounds.'"

Kasumi took a closer look as well. "No wonder," she remarked, before turning to Genma. "You can't read Chinese, can you?" The panda held up an orb that released confetti and a sign with the word 'Correct' written on it. Ukyo and Ranma bopped the panda on the head to punish him for being so stupid.

Soun suddenly appeared, though no one had noticed him leaving, with a kettle of hot (boiling) water, which he poured onto the panda. "So, when doused with hot water, you return to human form," Soun reasoned.

"Well, it needn't be quite _that_ hot!" Genma shouted, irately.

Soun moved on to Ranma and continued, "When doused with cold water, you become a girl…" Soun attempted to pour the water on Ranma's head, saying, "But _hot_ water turns you back into a _boy_!"

"Hot water!" Ukyo shouted from the side. "Not Boiling!"

"No sweat," Soun started, clapping Ranma on the shoulder with a slightly crazed gleam in his eye. "You're problem isn't so terrible after all!" Soun indicated each of his daughters in turn, identifying them for Ranma's benefit. "My daughter Kasumi. Nineteen. And Nabiki. Seventeen. And Akane. Sixteen. Pick the one you want. She's your fiancé."

Kasumi quickly stepped in, saying, "Oh, he wants Akane!"

Nabiki chimed in, "Oh, definitely."

"You must be joking!" Akane began. "Why would I be…" Unfortunately, Nabiki cut her off.

"Well, you hate _boys_ don't you?" Nabiki asked.

"So you're in luck! He's _half-girl_!" Kasumi concluded.

"Me? Marry that pervert! Never!" Akane declared, not wanting to be forced into a marriage with the sick and twisted individual she thought Ranma was.

"Say, " Ranma and Ukyo started, "whaddya mean, 'pervert!'"

"You looked at my body, Pervert!" Akane screamed.

"Hold it!" Ukyo began, trying to diffuse the situation. "You walked in on _us_!"

"That's another thing!" Akane yelled. "You were bathing with a girl, Pervert!" Akane shouted directly into Ranma's face.

"Huh?" Ranma started. "What's wrong with bathing with a girl? We've been bathing together for years!" Ranma, of course, was still digging his grave. To be more accurate, he had just hit rock bottom.

"They're already a perfect couple!" Soun remarked to Genma, causing both to laugh.

"He's a couple by _himself_!" Akane complained. "And if you ever-"

Ranma interrupted her, while walking to the door. "Goodbye. Come on Uuchan."

Genma turned towards his s-daughter and asked, "Where are you going, boy?"

"Back to China! To find a way to change back for good! This is no time for 'fiancés.'" Right before he made it out the door, Ranma turned back to Akane, and broke out the dynamite so he could blast through the bedrock. "By the way… _you_ got a pretty good look at me, too. Besides, it's no big deal for me to see a naked girl. I mean, I've seen _myself_ and Uuchan naked plenty of times, right?" Akane was thoughtful for a minute, but then Ranma had to sit on the detonator, while still sitting in his grave. "And I'm _built_ better to boot!"

Ukyo cringed as Ranma was pounded into the floor by Akane, via the table. "Now _that_ he had coming!" the bat-girl muttered, shaking her head in disbelief at Ranma's stupidity.

When Ranma finally regained consciousness, Kasumi remarked, "Ah, she's awake! Are you okay? Don't think to badly of Akane. She's really a very sweet girl. She's just a violent maniac."

Nabiki couldn't help adding her own two sense, commenting, "Oh, good, Kasumi, that makes _lots_ of sense."

Meanwhile, Akane had decided to take the bath that had been postponed during her first attempt. Almost as soon as she had settled herself in the furo for a nice, relaxing soak, there was a knock on the door. "Who is it?" Akane called out, without bothering to get up.

"It's me, Ukyo," the voice from the other side of the door announced. "Can I join you? I think we need to talk."

Akane, while still nervous around the vampire-esque girl, couldn't think of a good reason to not talk with the other girl. "Sure, come on in. I don't suppose it could hurt anything."

"Thank you," Ukyo replied, while she settled herself in the furo, reverting to her human form. "I think you've gotten the wrong impression about Ranma."

"What do you mean?" Akane asked. "All boys are perverts, it's a known fact! Besides, he's already seen me naked!"

Ukyo thought for a moment before answering Akane's disturbingly biased question. "Ranma isn't like most boys. He's been isolated from society for the majority of his life, due to that training trip. The only reason I'm any better with manners and other social skills is that I had a few extra years to learn them, before joining the training trip. The two of us grew up together, so we find bathing together natural. It's amazing how difficult it is to properly bathe without any help when you are covered with scrapes, cuts, bruises, or anything else Pops inflicted on us. Considering this, why would Ranma consider seeing you naked as anything perverted?"

"But all boys are perverts. All they want to do is beat me so they can date me!" Akane cried out, somehow feeling as if she could trust Ukyo, despite not knowing her for any length of time.

"I think I see what the problem is here." Ukyo began, having had a sudden revelation about Akane. "You're afraid that if a boy is capable of beating you, you won't be able to protect yourself if they try to force you to do anything you don't want to do, correct?" Akane only nodded, confirming Ukyo's guess. "You don't need to worry about Ranma doing anything like that, for a number of reasons. One of which is how completely ignorant he is of the 'birds and the bees.'"

Akane could only stare in shock for a few seconds, before asking, "What do you mean?"

Ukyo smirked a little, and responded, "Pops had never bothered to tell us anything about puberty. I only knew because my father told me before I started training, and Ranma only knew after Genma had to explain why I was bleeding for several days straight when we were both twelve." Again, Akane could only stare, though she did motion for Ukyo to continue. "Another reason you don't need to worry about anything with Ranma is that, to him, honor is _everything_, and he lives by the Martial Artist's Code, to 'protect those who cannot protect themselves.'"

"I had no idea it was possible for _any_ boy to be like that!" Akane admitted, feeling rather sheepish. "I guess I should give him a chance before I come to any permanent conclusions about him."

Ukyo smiled, and replied, "That is all I ask." The girls soaked for a few more minutes before getting out of the furo and making their way over to the door. When Akane slid the door open, she confronted an equally nude female Ranma. She almost slapped her, but remembered Ukyo's words. Akane stepped aside and allowed Ranma to enter the bathroom before exiting with Ukyo.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Well, that's it for chapter one. I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please leave any comments, criticisms, suggestions, etc. in the "Review" section so I can improve my story and have a slew of new ideas to potentially implement. A word of caution to anyone reading further: I have NO clue what the final/main pairing(s) will be at the moment. Also, I would appreciate if someone could get me some hot water… It is rather hard to type a story when you're a gecko. I can't help it if I got splashed when Ranma hit the koi pond. Additionally, any flames that are truly pathetic in my eye WILL be publicly mocked. Thank you for reading my first fanfic, and I hope you continue to read it.

Good bye for now,

Gecko-chan


	2. What do you mean school!

Gecko-chan here. I'd like to thank all of my reviewers, with special thanks to InsaneClarinetPlayingFFX-2Fan for being my first reviewer, and to Billie Jukes for the hot water. Splash Alright, now that I'm humanoid again, let's get started. Again, I own nothing of the multitude of animes, shows, books, etc. that may be referenced in this story. Here's chapter two; I hope you enjoy!

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Redheads and Succubi

Chapter Two: What do you mean "School?"

As the sun came up, the sound of fighting could be heard outside, starting with two loud splashes as Ranma and Ukyo hit the koi pond. At least this would have been the case had Ranma and Ukyo not tied Genma up the night before. Sure, the chains and duct tape might have been slightly excessive, but it is better to be safe than sorry. Thus it was possible for the two youths to get a full nights sleep, if only for one day. The pair slept on, until breakfast was almost ready, and a messenger had to be sent to wake them to get ready.

As Akane, the chosen messenger, sacrificial lamb, what have you, opened the door to the guestroom, she was greeted by a sight that demanded instant vengeance. Ranma and Ukyo, both in cursed forms, were sleeping together, with Ukyo's wings wrapped around the two of them. Akane's face turned bright red, and her battle aura entered the visible light spectrum. With the battle cry of "Ranma no hentai!" Akane launched Ranma out the window, directly into the koi pond.

"What'd ya do that for" the irate Ranma-chan demanded, dragging herself out of the pond.

Akane looked both incredulous and furious. "You pervert! How dare you sleep with another girl?"

Ukyo smirked a bit and pointedly asked, "Would you rather he had slept with you instead?" Akane started sputtering and turning beet red, while Ranma just blushed a little. It wasn't so much the idea of sleeping with a girl that embarrassed him as it was the idea of sleeping with a complete stranger.

Ranma recovered quickly and called back up to Ukyo, "You might as well untie Pops! We should spar a little before breakfast!" Unfortunately for any plans of a nice spar, Akane was recovering as well.

"There isn't any time to spar! There's only about fifteen minutes left before breakfast starts. You two need to hurry and get cleaned up. I'll take care of Uncle Genma," Akane stated, while bending down to take care of the sometimes panda. 'While I don't like the idea, I guess I'll have to let Ranma bathe with Ukyo for the day. It's the only way they'll be done on time,' Akane reluctantly thought, knowing that Kasumi wouldn't appreciate having breakfast get cold waiting for the two cursed individuals to finish separate baths.

"Alright," Ukyo replied, on her way out the door. "Come on, Ranchan! I want to get done before Pops eats all of it on us!" Ranma agreed that the food needed to be saved from the panda, so she quickly hurried back inside and entered the furo.

As Ranma and Ukyo, both in their natural forms, came down the stairs from their baths, Kasumi greeted them brightly, "Good morning. Breakfast is just finishing up. Please take a seat in the dining room and wait for me to bring it out." Barely a moment after the pair had seated themselves, Kasumi brought the food out, and the war began.

Chopsticks lashed back and forth as Genma, Ranma, and Ukyo fought for the food on their plates. Each attempted to steal the food off the others' plates, while protecting their own food from equally intense attacks. After blinking a few times at the trio's antics, Nabiki asked, "What, exactly, are you doing?"

Genma, without letting up on either his assaults on Ranma's and Ukyo's plates or neglecting his own defenses, answered, "The driving principle of the Saotome school of Anything Goes is to treat everything as a form of training. By fighting for our food in this manor, we increase both our speed and our awareness." Genma looked at his plate, and then at each of his charges' plates in turn, and stopped waving his weapons of choice around. It seems that all three of the plates had been thoroughly cleaned. With a shrug, Genma moved on to the next order of business for the morning. "Since we will be staying here for quite some time, I have registered the two of you at the local school."

Both youths were surprised. "School?" they asked simultaneously. Genma merely nodded a serious expression on his face.

Nabiki added, "It's the same school that Akane and I go to. Well, see you there!" Nabiki got up from the table and started for the door.

"Nabiki, wait! I'll go with you," Akane started, standing up from the table as well.

"What are you talking about?" Nabiki countered. "Ranma is y_our_ fiancé. You should walk him to school. Besides, neither Ranma nor Ukyo knows where it is." Suitably defeated, Akane resigned herself to her fate.

As the three were walking to school, they walked beside a fence next to a canal. Spotting the training opportunity, Ranma and Ukyo jumped onto the fence and continued walking next to Akane, who stayed on the sidewalk.

"What is this?" Akane demanded. "Are the two of you too good to use the sidewalk like a normal person?"

Ranma answered without breaking stride, "It is balance training. If you'd like, I can teach you how to do it. If nothing else, it might help with your Martial Arts." Akane, hearing a nonexistent slight on her fighting abilities, kicked the fence, sending both Ranma and Ukyo into the canal.

"Damn it!" Ukyo swore. "We can't go to school like this. We need to go back to the house and get some hot water!"

"We don't have enough time to go back," Akane said, thinking of any potential alternatives. "I have a friend on the way who wouldn't mind giving us some hot water."

Ranma responded eagerly, "Let's get going! I want to get that hot water as soon as possible!" Thus, Akane led her little band to Doctor Tofu's office.

After the three entered the atrium, Akane went on into the kitchen to heat some water. The pair stood waiting when Ukyo suddenly stiffened. "Ranma," she began, "there is someone standing behind you."

A chuckle came from behind Ranma, and the pair turned to face the source of the noise, only to see a skeleton. As Ranma hung onto the ceiling like a scared cat, a man wearing large glasses stepped out from behind the skeleton. "I'm surprised you knew I was there. I can normally sneak up on all but the best martial artists."

Ukyo smirked a little and gave the truthful answer. "I used echolocation. It's second nature when I'm in this form."

Tofu could only blink, before he asked, "Have you been to Josenkyo?" Ukyo and Ranma just stared in shock, never expecting anyone to be so calm after seeing Ukyo's cursed form.

"How do you know about Josenkyo?" Ranma demanded, after dropping back down to the floor.

"I've read about it in several of my medical texts, though I have never seen a curse first hand," Tofu answered, with a smile. At that moment, Akane came out with a kettle and poured its contents over Ukyo and Ranma. "So you are both cursed," the doctor remarked, watching the change with great interest.

"Come on," Akane insistently said. "We need to hurry if we're going to make it to school on time!" She literally dragged the now boy and girl out of the office, running fast enough that neither Ranma nor Ukyo were touching the ground. As they were approaching the school, Akane slowed to a stop and quickly explained, "Before we get to school, I need to tell you something. Everyday I am attacked by almost every boy in the school because Upperclassman Kuno proclaimed, 'If you wish to court the fair maiden Akane, you must defeat her in battle. I will accept no other terms,' or something like that. This is my fight, so you two just stay out of it!" As the trio finally approached the school, Akane started to pick up speed and screamed, "I hate boys!"

Ukyo and Ranma looked on in disbelief at the army of boys rushing towards Akane, decked out in athletic equipment and shouting out they're intentions. "Will you go out with me Akane?" one voice asked, while another shouted, "Akane, I love you!" None of the other proclamations of adoration were distinguishable in the growing din.

Ranma turned towards Ukyo and asked, "Hey, Uuchan, do you think we should help her?"

Ukyo quickly shook her head and responded, "No, I think she needs to do this for herself." As Ukyo finished speaking, the last of the boys attacking Akane hit the ground. "See?" Ukyo asked. "Akane didn't need our help after all."

Suddenly, something flew towards Akane, and she deftly plucked it out of the air, revealing it to be a pink rose. "Truly, such a boorish lot. Evidently each of them intends to ask you out, Akane, on the dawn that he finally defeats you. And now, Akane Tendo, might you fight with me?" Kuno didn't allow Akane a chance to answer, as he had already leveled his bokken towards her.

"Wow, Akane," Ranma began, jumping easily to her side. "You sure are _popular_, aren't you?" Ukyo landed on Akane's other side, with a sweatdrop firmly in place.

"You there!" Kuno insisted, jabbing his bokkon at Ranma. "You are being quite familiar with Akane! Who are you, boor?" the kendoist asked. However, before Ranma could even begin to introduce himself, the samurai-wannabe interrupted again, "Ah! But it is the custom to give one's _own_ name first! Fine then! Mine I shall give!"

"If you want…" Ranma consented, not really caring who introduced himself first.

My name… is Upperclassman Kuno. Junior. Group E. Captain of the kendo club. Undefeated new star of the high school fencing world. But my peers call me… the _Blue Thunder_ of Furinkan High!"

"'Blue Thunder?'" one spectator asked incredulously. The general consent among those present was that Kuno didn't know what he was talking about. _None_ of his peers called him the 'Blue Thunder'.

Okay. I'm, uh…" Ranma began, "staying at the Tendo Practice Hall..." He evaded Kuno's angry swipe without missing a beat. "I'm heir to the Saotome School of Indiscriminate Grappling…" Ranma took a moment to toss his bag to Akane, so that he wouldn't need to worry about it being damaged. "I am Ranma Saotome! And I accept your challenge!"

"So, you scoundrel," Kuno began, as both he and Ranma dropped into fighting stances. "Hounding Akane, eh?" He took this opportunity to become slightly more delusional, announcing, "I, Upperclassman Kuno, shall bring you to Justice!" Refusing to listen to any reasonable explanations, Kuno attacked. Ranma easily dodged the attack; however, the wall behind him was less fortunate and was cleaved in twain.

As the fight continued, Ukyo noticed that the sky was becoming dark, a harbinger of rain to come, and called out, "Hey, Ranchan! Unless you want to get a little wet, I suggest you hurry up!" When Ranma didn't seem to hear the warning at all, Ukyo took the initiative. With nary a flexing of her arms, an oversized battle spatula appeared in her hand. Ukyo used the spatula to knock Kuno out cold, an easy task since the kendoist had developed tunnel vision, only seeing Ranma before him. Once Kuno was prostrate, Ukyo banished the spatula back to the place from whence it came, before turning to Ranma and asking, "Now that the fool is taken care of, do you think we can make it into the school _before_ we get rained on?"

Ranma looked around, having not noticed the darkening skies. When he saw the solid wall of water advancing towards them, he quickly answered, "Come on! We need to get into the school, _now_!" Ranma picked Akane up, ignoring her protests, and sprinted to the school doors, with Ukyo no more than two steps behind. Barely a second after Ukyo had gained sanctuary within the halls of the school, the rain caught up to them. Ranma let out a sigh of relief, and muttered, "Well, _that_ was a close one."

Right as Akane, Ukyo, and Ranma entered their classroom, the starting bell rang. Had the fight with Kuno gone on any longer than it had, the trio would have been late for class and be forced to stand in the hallway holding two buckets of water each.

Kumano Yamabushi, the teacher, looked up from his desk, adjusted his glasses, and announced the new students, "Class, we have two new students today. Could you two please tell us a little about yourselves? Also, you are not wearing the proper school uniforms. I'll let it slide for today, but I expect you to wear proper school attire in the future."

Ranma responded first, saying, "I am Ranma Saotome, and I have been on a training trip for the last ten years. I am going to be the best martial artist ever."

"I am Ukyo Kuonji, and I have been training with Ranchan for the last nine and a half years. I also like to cook okonomiyaki." After finishing their introductions, both new students looked to the teacher expectantly.

"All right," Mr. Yamabushi began, "you can take the two seats behind Akane, since you seem to get along with her." Ukyo and Ranma sat in the seats indicated to them, and class began. Everything was going fine, until Mr. Yamabushi decided to ask Ranma to answer a question, without looking away from the chalkboard first. "Ranma, who was the jackal-headed god in Egyptian mythology?"

"Anubis was, Sensei," answered an oddly feminine voice. Unnoticed by everyone, including Ranma, the ceiling had leaked, dripping cold rainwater onto the aquatransexual, triggering his curse. She was decidedly confused when her new teacher whipped around as soon as she had started to speak.

"Excuse me, miss," Mr. Yamabushi began gently, before he demanded, "but who are you, and where did Ranma go?"

"What!" Ranma exclaimed before looking down and noticing certain, more obvious changes in her morphology. "Damn it! Can't I manage to make it through a single day without having my curse revealed?" Blank stares emanated from everyone in the room, except for Ukyo and Akane, who already knew about the curse. "Fine, I might as well get this over with. Sensei, may I go to the bathroom to get some water? It will help with my explanation." Upon receiving a barely perceptible nod, Ranma left the room to fetch a pail of water. Of course, he walked right past the buckets of water next to the door waiting in case a delinquent needed to be sent into the hall with them as punishment.

"Well," Ukyo said reasonably, "I might as well set up for the explanation." With that said, Ukyo sprang into action, setting up her cooking equipment in a flash.

"Where did you have all of that?" Akane asked, eying the impressive set up.

"Oh," Ukyo explained, "when we visited an Amazon village in China, they taught me some elementary Hidden Weapon Techniques. They realized my spatula hindered my ability to fly, so they were kind enough to help." Surprisingly enough, despite the fact that their conversation had been held at a normal volume, no one else in the room heard it.

Finally Ranma returned, in male form, which caused Mr. Yamabushi to start, demanding, "Where did you go, and who was that girl who took your seat?" Ukyo started to bang her head against the desk in disbelief, but stopped when she felt it beginning to cave in.

"Yo, Sensei," Ranma began, defensively. "I told you, I am that girl! I just changed back to my natural form while I was in the bathroom. Look, I can prove it if you want." Ranma gestured with the pail in his hand, causing a small splash to fly towards Ukyo, who managed to catch it in a pot before it could hit her, and placed the pot on her stove to heat it.

"Yes," Mr. Yamabushi said. "I'm sure we would all love to see this proof of yours." Ranma shrugged, and poured a small amount of the water from the pail onto his head, instantly becoming a she. "Ga- ga- ga-," the flabbergasted teacher stuttered, having a hard time forcing his lower jaw to work properly. The rest of the class was in a similar position.

Ranma-chan smirked a little, and asked, "Do ya believe me now?" When the entire class nodded mutely, and Akane and Ukyo had managed to overcome their giggles, Ranma continued, "In a remote part of China, there is a legendary training ground, called 'Jusenkyo.' There are hundreds upon hundreds of springs here, and every one is cursed."

"Cursed?" One brave student asked. Alright, so he wasn't so much brave as he was cynical, but that is hardly important at the moment. "What do you mean 'cursed'?"

Ukyo took over for the time being, wanting to have some part in the discussion, "There is a strong magic in each of the springs that transforms whatever falls into it into the first, and therefore last, thing that has drowned in that particular spring. Ranchan, here, fell into the Spring of Drowned Girl, and you can see the results."

"Luckily," Ranma continued, "the curse is reversed with hot water. Unfortunately, the curse is triggered again with a splash of cold water."

"Wait," The cynical student from before began, "can't you just find a Spring of Drowned Boy, or Man, or something and cure yourself?"

Ranma shuddered at the thought, and replied, "I don't think that would be a very good idea. From what I can tell, the curses are cumulative, so if I were to mix my curse with that of the Spring of Drowned Man, the results would _not_ be pretty."

"Why do you think these curses are cumulative?" asked an inquisitive girl near the front of the class, without any sarcasm, just curiosity, in her voice. She pushed her long, light brown hair behind one ear, revealing a pencil perched there.

Ukyo jumped in before Ranma could expose her curse as well, "Well, we've seen someone who's fallen into two pools, the first was an animal spring, and the second was the Spring of Drowned Girl, and it had some odd results." This seemed to satisfy the class for the moment, and Ranma was allowed to change back to his natural form, using the water Ukyo had heated for him.

"Well, in light of your… condition, Ranma, I would like you to switch seats with Ukyo," Mr. Yamabushi said, wanting to get back to his actual lesson. While he had lived in Nerima for many years, he wasn't used to the oddities that came with the region. Just the Kuno family was enough to make him consider moving to a quieter region, say Juuban.

"Um, Sensei," Ukyo began, nervously, "I don't think that would be such a good idea." Sure, Ranma was much more of a water magnet than she was, but she knew better than to push her luck that far.

Kumano Yamabushi, however, desperately wanted to get back to his lesson, and he wouldn't have any more back talking students. "You will either sit in the seat I've told you to, or you can stand in the hall," he all but shouted, startling his students, who thought he was the very personification of patience.

Ukyo, not wanting to start school with any disciplinary problems, complied, saying, "I'll sit in the seat, Sensei, but please remember that I tried to warn you." Ukyo sat down, and class began again. Mr. Yamabushi didn't notice that Ukyo was continuing to heat the water on her stove, in preparation for the inevitable.

After an hour, with no interruptions, math class had begun, and Mr. Yamabushi called Ukyo up to the board. "Ukyo, please factor the expression I have written on the board. Here is the chalk. I hope your writing is legible."

As Ukyo stood up, she felt a slight rustling that confirmed her fears. As Ukyo walked to the board, the entire class gasped, though Mr. Yamabushi had taken his glasses off in order to clean the lenses, so he didn't notice what was causing such a commotion. "Let's see," Ukyo mumbled to herself. "Two X squared plus eight X plus eight. I'm glad I kept that math book from middle school. Factor out the two so I get two times the quantity X squared plus four X plus four… Hmm, that's a perfect square… The answer is two times the quantity X plus two squared. 2(x2)+8x+82(x+2)2"

Finally, Mr. Yamabushi put his glasses on and looked to the board to check Ukyo's work. "Very go…" Mr. Yamabushi started, stopping suddenly when he saw Ukyo. "Who… What are you?"

Ukyo was hurt; she hadn't expected a reaction like that, at least not after the story about Josenkyo. "I'm Ukyo. Ranchan wasn't the only one cursed at Jusenkyo."

The eyes of the inquisitive girl in the front lit up like halogen lamps, temporarily blinding Ranma, who had been hit by their reflection off his teacher's glasses. "You're the person you were talking about, the one who fell into two springs!"

Ukyo nodded sadly. "Yes, I fell into the Spring of Drowned Bat, and then into the Spring of Drowned Girl."

"More like lunged," Ranma commented.

"Wait," the girl inquired, "when you were a bat, did you manage to launch yourself into the air, or did you walk over to the other spring?"

Ukyo was surprised by the question, so she answered automatically, "I don't see what it matters, but I climbed out of the pool I was in, saw Ranchan fall into the other spring, and sprang towards him to help him. I guess I did manage to fly from the ground without thinking about it."

"Amazing!" the girl exclaimed. "The bat that drowned in the pool must have been a vampire bat. They are the only ones capable of taking off from the ground."

"But that doesn't make sense," Ukyo muttered. "I haven't drunk any blood, nor have I had an urge to. Besides, I can use echolocation."

"Well," the girl began, before being interrupted.

"While all of this is fascinating," Mr. Yamabushi said, venomously, "it is not part of our lesson, so please wait until lunch for your private conversations."

"Fine," the girl said. "My name is Keiko Rihatsu, by the way." The two girls shook hands, and Ukyo headed back to her seat, forgetting to change back into her normal form. Approximately five seconds later, the lunch bell rang. "That was rather pointless. Come on Ukyo, let's talk!" Keiko dragged the winged girl out of the classroom, to a private area where they could finish their conversation.

"So, what were you saying before?" Ukyo asked once they were situated.

"As far as I can figure, you don't crave blood because you aren't a pure vampire bat. There must be enough human DNA so that you don't need blood to survive. As far as the echolocation goes, vampire bats do use echolocation, along with scent, sight, and sound, which explains why you seem to have better than average senses."

"Wow," Ukyo commented. "You seem to know an awful lot about bats."

"What can I say?" asked Keiko rhetorically. "I like to read about nature, and I remember most of it."

"That must be nice." Ukyo said.

"Say, I wonder if Ranma would like to be friends with me as well," Keiko wondered.

Ukyo blinked and asked, "You don't think he's a freak or a pervert because he changes into a girl?"

"No, why would I?" Keiko asked. "It isn't his fault he fell into that spring."

Ukyo pat Keiko on the shoulder, saying, "If you really feel that way, I'm sure Ranchan would love to be friends with you. Isn't that right, Ranchan?"

"Let me guess," Keiko began, "He's right behind me."

Ukyo giggled, "Nope. _SHE_ is." Keiko turned around, and found herself nose to nose with Ranma-chan.

"Boo," Ranma-chan said with a smile, causing Keiko to jump back, right into Ukyo's arms. "Sure, I'll be your friend. Pops might say friends are nothing but distractions, but I don't believe him."

"Speaking of Pops," Ukyo began warily. "He hasn't ruined anything yet. Something must be wrong. This is just too good to be true." Back at the Tendo dojo, Genma sneezed, giving Soun the chance to rearrange the shoji board in his favor.

"Yo, Keiko, do you practice Martial Arts?" Ranma-chan asked, curious.

Keiko laughed a little, "No, I don't. I'm not really interested in fighting. Maybe if they came up with a Martial Arts Studying or something I would start." Keiko noticed the almost evil glint in Ranma-chan's eyes, and she nervously asked, "Um, Ranma, what are you thinking?"

Akane took this opportunity to show up, shouting, "Ranma no hentai! How dare you stare at a girl's chest like that!" Ranma-chan and Keiko blinked, as Ranma-chan's eyes hadn't drifted below neck-level.

"Wait, Akane! It isn't how it looks!" Ranma-chan begged as she watched Akane rip a bench off the ground and approached, holding it like a club.

Everyone, including Keiko, was shocked when Keiko moved in front of Ranma-chan. "Ranma wasn't doing anything perverted! We were just talking," she tried valiantly to save her new friend from what looked to be a lethal attack.

"Oh really?" Akane demanded. "Then what was that look he was giving you?"

Keiko thought for a brief second, and said, "I don't know, but it'd be easier to find out by asking her than by bashing her into the ground." When Akane consented, and lowered her bench, Keiko continued, "So, Ranma, what _was_ that look for?"

Ranma-chan giggled, and announced, "I was just contemplating how to create Martial Arts Studying!" Once the others had pulled themselves out of the ground, Ranma-chan continued, "Keiko, your training will start today, as will yours, Akane. We start with balance." Her plan fully formulated, Ranma-chan sat and ate, though the evil grin never left her face.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

After the classes were over, the four girls met outside of the school before heading towards the Tendo dojo. Both Ranma and Ukyo were in their cursed forms because they had been splashed roughly five seconds after they returned to their normal forms, every time. Keiko looked to Ranma-chan and asked, "So, how are we going to practice our balance?"

Ranma smiled and pointed to the fence to their right. "We are all going to walk home on top of that fence."

"Ranma no baka!" Akane exclaimed. "How will that help us any? We can't walk on it like you and Ukyo can."

"I know," Ranma-chan smirked. "I'll walk behind you, Akane, and Ukyo will walk behind Keiko, and stop you from falling off."

Ukyo grinned and swept Keiko off of her feet, before she spread her wings and leapt agilely onto the fence, where she set Keiko down on her feet, saying "Come on, let's get started before anything can go wrong!"

Ranma-chan decided not to push her luck, so she asked, "Akane, do you want me to help you onto the fence, or can you manage by yourself?"

Akane blushed, and replied, "Sure, Ranma, you can help me on. Not that I need any help or anything." Even before she had finished speaking, she found herself deposited gently on the fence, with Ranma's hands lightly grasping her waist. "Ranma, if you try to do anything perverted, I'll hit you into the ionosphere!"

"Is that a bad thing?" Ranma asked innocently, with a large grin on her face, despite knowing the answer. They had covered the levels of the atmosphere in their last class. Akane thought he was serious, and growled, while the other two girls giggled at the joke.

The four girls slowly made their way to the dojo. While no one fell, there were several close calls. Keiko almost fell nearly twice as many times as Akane had, which showed Ranma's prudence in arranging partners as she had. While her balance was naturally better than Ukyo's, Ukyo's wings allowed her to compensate much easier for her partner than Ranma-chan could. The fact that Ranma was still perfecting her balance as a girl didn't help any, either.

When the girls finally reached the dojo, they faced an obstacle of a different type. Standing in their way was Genma, in human form. His face was unreadable, despite the fact that it broadcasted his feelings to the outside world perfectly. "Ranma! What are you doing as a girl? Have you no pride? Oh, to think that my son is so wimpy that he hides his shame as a girl!"

Ranma was about to attack her father, but the three natural girls beat her to it. Akane ripped a segment of the fence out of the ground and rushed Genma, Ukyo retrieved her spatula from wherever she kept it, and Keiko threw a handful of sharp, pointy, number two pencils at the baka. The pencils hit first, sinking into Genma's side at least a full inch. Next, Akane flattened Baka-sama into the ground, repeatedly, with the fence. Finally, Ukyo scraped Genma off the ground with her battle spatula, flinging him into the koi pond.

"Yo, Pops!" Ukyo yelled, "Ya should know by _now_ that girls are not as week as you seem to think!"

"Uncle Genma! How dare you call us weak, just because we're girls!" Akane exclaimed, while trying to fit the fence back into its fittings.

Keiko stared at the panda in the koi pond for a second before she realized the only logical explanation. No, it isn't the typical 'logic' found in Nerima, it was real logic. "I take it your father fell into the Spring of drowned Panda." Keiko stated, dead pan.

Ranma-chan rubbed the back of her head, embarrassed, "I guess we forgot to mention the panda. It's entirely his fault, anyways."

"Oh?" Keiko inquired, "In what manner?"

Ukyo decided to answer, while bashing the panda on the head a few times for good measure, "It was his idea to go and train at Josenkyo, when he couldn't read a word of Chinese! He is also the one who knocked both Ranchan and me into the Spring of Drowned Girl and the Spring of Drowned Bat, respectively." Keiko's eyes glowed lightly with understanding.

"Hey, Keiko," Ranma asked, pointing to the pencils still sticking out of Genma's hide, "where did you learn to do that?"

Keiko blushed and replied, "I got bored one day after I had exhausted the books available to me at the time, so I set up a cardboard target and threw pencils at it. It took me a few dozen tries to get a few to stick into my target, and a couple more hours to get them to consistently stick into the target. After I got them to stay in the target, I worked on my aim."

"Wow," Ranma muttered, impressed with Keiko's proficiency with pencils. "I think we've found the first part of Martial Arts Studying." Akane and Ukyo wholeheartedly agreed.

Hearing the noise outside, Kasumi looked out, noticed that both Ukyo and Ranma were in their cursed forms and grabbed the kettle of water she had put on the stove when Nabiki told her it would be needed. Kettle in hand, Kasumi walked out of the house. "I have hot water for you two!" she announced to the cursed teens. Ukyo and Ranma hurriedly poured the water onto themselves, returning them to their natural bodies. "Oh my, we seem to have another guest. Would you like some tea?"

"Thank you for asking," Keiko replied, "but no thank you. I want to train some more."

"That's all right. I'll bring some tea and treats out to the dojo in case you change your minds," Kasumi said, before heading back into the house.

"Come on," Ranma called out. "Let's start the training before it gets too late!" With this said, everyone proceeded to the dojo, where they all trained together until it was time for Keiko to leave; everyone promised to continue the training tomorrow.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

In a randomly darkened room of the school, a conversation that was to have a huge impact on the student life was taking place. "I'm sorry, sir," Mr. Yamabushi began, "I'm afraid that if I stay here, I'm going to start developing ulcers. I need to leave Nerima before I go insane!"

"I see," the mysterious vice-principal murmured from behind his steepled hands. "And where, exactly, am I supposed to find someone capable of teaching here? Not many teachers have the mind set to handle teaching in such a school."

"I know that," Mr. Yamabushi stated. "However, I am not one of these teachers. I'll be going now. I've heard Juuban is nice this time of year." Finished with what he was going to say, Kumano Yamabushi picked up his briefcase and walked out of the office.

"Now what am I supposed to do?" the vice principal complained. "I need to find a new teacher by tomorrow morning!"

There was a knock on the door, and a voice asked, "Excuse me? Do you know a place I can get a job?" The vice-principle jumped at the seemingly heaven given chance, throwing the door completely open and ushering the person inside.

"Actually," the vice-principal explained, "we just received an opening. Would you like to take the position?"

The visitor warily asked, "What exactly would I be doing?"

"Well, I was hoping that you could teach here. One of our teachers just quit." When the potential recruit inquired why the previous teacher had left, the vice-principal answered truthfully, "Nerima has a history of being a little odd. Apparently, it has gotten worse, to the point that it drove off one of my teachers." Even if he lost his prey, it would be cheaper to find someone else now, rather than having to pay a teacher for one day before finding another one.

"A little weirdness is all?" the figure asked. When she received an affirmative nod, the youthful woman smirked. "I can handle weird. Sure, I'll take the job."

The vice-principal gave a sigh of relief, "Good. Consider yourself hired. By the way, what is your name?" For some reason, background checks weren't deemed overly important at this school. Either that or the VP was getting really desperate and was willing to hire anyone, up to an admitted serial killer. Luckily, the new teacher was not a murderer.

"My name's Ember, Ember McLain." The ghost rock star, now teacher, said with a smile.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

This is Jonakhensu again. I'd like to thank you for reading my fanfic up to this point. As I said earlier, this _was_ going to be a somewhat serious fic. Unfortunately, it seems more that it is more likely going to become close to a parody, if not a true parody. I'm at least going to try to keep the Fourth Wall intact. Again, please review with any flames (to laugh at), comments, criticisms, suggestions, ideas, etc. Please notice that the crossovers have begun… What is going to happen next? NIHIHIHEHEHEHEHAHAHAHA!

Thank you,

Jonakhensu

I also thank InsaneClarinetPlayingFFX-2Fan for acting as my Beta reader, and Innortal for pointing out that I misspelt Jusenkyo.


	3. This won't end well

Hello, Jonakhensu here. I'd like to thank all of my reviewers. Congratulations to everyone who knew where Ember is from. For those of you who don't know, she is one of the "evil" ghosts in Danny Phantom. I never said my crossings were limited to anime. Again, I don't own Ranma ½, Danny Phantom, or anything else that shows up. ON WITH THE FIC!

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Redheads and Succubi

Chapter 3: "This won't end well…"

Ranma awoke in midair. 'Damn' he thought angrily. 'We forgot to tie up the panda'. Seconds later, he splashed down in the koi pond. Only a few seconds after Ranma had righted herself, Ukyo crashed into her.

"That panda is dead!" Ukyo screamed as she launched herself into the air. "Ranchan," she called down, "I'll take the high road; you take the low road!" Ranma smirked; his father favored aerial combat, but he wasn't nearly as maneuverable as Ukyo was. Not surprisingly, wings tend to make things like that easier.

Rushing back to their room, Ranma-chan shouted, "You're dead old man!" and punted the elder martial artist towards Ukyo. "Batter up, Uuchan!' warned Ranma, watching gleefully. Out came the battle spatula, and down streaked Genma, right into the koi pond.

"Breakfast is almost ready," Kasumi announced, interrupting the fight before it could escalate any further. Ukyo bathed first, while Ranma helped in the kitchen. Once Ukyo finished bathing, Ranma-chan rushed to the furo, eager to return to normal.

Unfortunately, Ranma-chan wasn't the only one who wanted to bathe right then, and, just as she finished undressing, she was interrupted by Akane. Ranma blinked, and Akane blinked, before slowly sliding the door shut. "I'll wait until you're done, Ranma," Akane announced through the door. Knowing that she was keeping her fiancé waiting, Ranma washed and quickly rinsed herself off in the furo before drying off and letting Akane have a chance to bathe. "Thank you for getting done so quickly, Ranma."

"You're welcome, Akane. Hurry up or there won't be any food left," Ranma teased, grinning evilly from behind the changing room door. He then headed downstairs to the dining room and waited for the war he calls breakfast to begin. Finally, Akane came down the stairs and sat next to Ranma, and Kasumi and Ukyo carried in the food. "Now, Akane," Ranma began, still grinning evilly. "We will continue your training, this time in speed and reaction time. Defend your food!" Without warning, breakfast began, and Akane quickly realized that something was very wrong. Food kept disappearing from her plate. She could see Ranma's chopsticks snatch each morsel from her plate, but she couldn't

move fast enough to stop him.

"Hey!" Akane complained, "You're stealing my food!"

Without stopping in his assault, Ranma replied, "Of course I am. You need a reason to make yourself faster, and going hungry for a few days is great motivation." Soon all of the plates were empty, and Akane had only managed to eat one fourth of her breakfast. Seeing that no more food would be forthcoming, Genma and Soun retired to a friendly, honest game of shogi, cheating at every opportunity. "Now that Panda-baka is gone, I have something for you, Akane."

"Really?" Akane asked, afraid of what else Ranma had in store for her. "What?"

"Your food," Ranma replied with a flourish, placing a plate, containing every scrap of food he had stolen from her, down in front of Akane. "Hurry and finish up. We'll continue training on the way

to school."

"Why are you giving me back me my food back?" Akane inquired. "I thought you said the hunger served as motivation."

Ukyo laughed, but let Ranma answer. "True, the hunger makes the training more effective," Ranma began, "but eating right is even more important."

"Not to mention the fact that Ranchan and I hated Pops for stealing our food until we got fast enough to protect most of our food," Ukyo elaborated. "Actually, that is why we won't be using most of the panda's training methods. They would kill most people." As soon as Akane finished scarfing down her breakfast, the three youths started towards school, only to find a surprise at the gate. "Are we going to train on the way to school?" Keiko asked, her eyes glowing with anticipation.

"Ya, we're going to continue your training," Ranma confirmed. Again, Ranma supported Akane while Ukyo aided Keiko. Akane stumbled noticeably less, though not by very much. Keiko, on the other hand, slipped exactly the same number of times she had the previous day. This, however, was understandable, as Ukyo didn't have a convenient set of wings to balance with this time.

As they approached the school, Akane remembered something rather important about her daily routine. "Um, Ranma?" Akane questioned. "What should I do about my so-called suitors? If we're taking longer to get her by training on the way, I won't have enough time to beat them all and still make it to class on time."

Ranma thought back to yesterday; if that horde of boys attacked Akane the same way everyday, then it could cause a serious problem. "I think you need to stop fighting that mob everyday." To forestall any complaints Akane was about to voice, Ranma continued, "If they attack the same way every time, I'll be bad for your training. When I sparred against you when we arrived, your attacks would have been good for fighting against a group, but left you vulnerable in a normal fight."

"Oh no!" Akane exclaimed. "You're right! What can we do about it?" While Akane secretly reveled in the attention she received, she didn't want to jeopardize her abilities.

"I have an idea," Keiko announced. When everyone was listening attentively, she continued, "What if Akane declares that she'll only accept proper challenges, at the dojo?"

"Of course!" Ukyo agreed, "It's so simple; nothing could possibly go wrong!" The group quickly fleshed out all of the details to their plan and continued on to school.

The moment Akane became visible, the Hentai Horde charged. When Akane failed to charge the mob, they slowed to a confused stop. "I refuse," Akane bellowed, to ensure that everyone heard her, "to acknowledge any challenge that is not delivered to the Tendo dojo in the proper manner." Knowing that there was no possible way they could beat Akane in a true challenge, especially in a fair fight, the horde dispersed, save one fool.

"My Darling Akane," Kuno began, rushing towards the girl. "I knew you would choose me above any others! Keiko's eyes shone with an angry light, and a handful of pencils shot towards Kuno. At the distances involved, any mediocre Martial Artist could have dodged; Kuno didn't.

Amazingly, all of the projectiles hit Kuno in the head, yet they all shattered on contact. Luckily, enough force had been put into the attack to knock the errant Kendoist unconscious. "Now that he is out of the way, we should hurry and get to class," Keiko stated, already walking towards the school. Right before they reached the doors, the one minute warning bell sounded. "Oh no! How will we get to class on time now?" she asked, running.

"Leave that to us," Ukyo declared, before sweeping Keiko off her feet and jumping to the window sill of their third floor class room. Ranma waited until the sill was clear before he carried Akane up to the classroom as well.

Once the four were seated, Ranma realized two things. "Shouldn't Sensei Yamabushi be here already?" he asked. When the others just shrugged, Ranma voiced his other revelation, "We didn't get splashed at all on the way here. Something big must be about to happen."

As if on cue, the head of a blue haired girl appeared through the ceiling. "Is this Mr. Yamabushi's class?" the head asked. When the class mutely nodded an affirmative, the girl's body followed her head into the classroom. "Good, I finally found it. I am Ember McLain, your new teacher."

"Oh my god!" an overly exited girl exclaimed. "We're going to be taught by a rock star!" The majority of the class responded in a similar fashion.

"Who?" Ranma and Ukyo chorused. There were surprisingly few television sets to be found in the Chinese wilderness, so they hadn't witnessed Ember's concert a few months ago.

"How do you possibly not know who I am? I broadcasted my concert on every television channel around the world!" Ember asked, incredulous.

"Well," Ranma began sheepishly, "We ain't really had time for much television over the last ten years or so."

"It cut into our training time," Ukyo elaborated.

"Okay, I guess that's understandable," Ember replied. "Before we begin our lesson for today, I need to explain my situation a little." The first thought that the class collectively had was that Ember had a Jusenkyo curse as well. This is a perfectly reasonable reaction, after Ranma's and Ukyo's demonstrations the day before. They were also completely incorrect. "I…" Ember began, "am a ghost." When the class did nothing more than a synchronized blink, Ember asked, "Doesn't this bother any of you, even a little?"

The cynical boy from yesterday snorted and said, "Compared to what happened yesterday, this isn't all that disturbing."

"What happened yesterday that could make having a ghost as a teacher seem dull?" Ember asked, suddenly wondering if that teacher who left the night before had a good reason to do so.

"We happened," a voice from the class answered. Ranma continued, "Me and Uuchan got here yesterday, and our curses got revealed."

"Curses?" Ember inquired, stunned.

Ukyo continued the story. "Pops took Ranchan and me to the legendary training Jusenkyo. Pops couldn't read a word of Chinese, so we didn't know the danger we were in until it was too late. We all fell into a different spring and picked up different curses. It will be easier to believe if we demonstrate. May we do so?"

Ember motioned for the two youths to continue. Ranma walked to the door, intending to get water from the bathroom again, but he noticed the pails of water nicely set out all ready for use. Picking one up, Ranma explained, "The curse is triggered by cold water." Ranma poured a little water onto his head. The redheaded lass continued, "I fell into the Spring of Drowned Girl." Ember's eyes bugged out. She could handle people who where half ghost and half human; this, on the other hand, was just weird.

Ukyo took the bucket from Ranma and turned towards Ember, saying, "My curse is a little different." Pouring a little water onto her head, Ukyo was glad that she had had the time to modify her school uniform last night. "I fell into the Spring of Drowned Bat and then into the Spring of Drowned Girl." Ember just stared, watching as the wings that had just appeared wrapped around their owner like a cloak. Soundlessly, her eyes rolled back in her head, and she fainted dead away.

"Does anyone know how to revive a ghost?" Keiko asked, worrying about her new teacher's health. Her eyes suddenly glowed with insight, and she rushed to her backpack and retrieved a strange round object. Slipping the device onto her hand, she approached Ember and waved her hand over Ember's form. The fallen teacher sat up, and Keiko asked, "Are you alright Ms. McLain?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Please call me Ember, though," the ghostly teacher replied.

"Um, Ember?" Ukyo asked, "Can Ranchan and I go to the bathroom to reverse our curses?" Ember waved them off, and the two cursed girls headed to the lavatory to change.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Kuno arrived in class five minutes after the bell. The only reason he wasn't sent out into the hall was that being knocked unconscious in the school yard was a valid reason for tardiness. Nabiki was quick to point out the pinprick and bruise combination that wrote, in Romanji, 'BAKA.'

"That foolish girl spelled it wrong," Kuno declared. "It is supposed to be spelled 'BUKA.'"

Nabiki smirked and scoffed, "No, it is spelled 'BAKA.'" Kuno grumbled a bit but dropped the spelling issue. "Oh, by the way," Nabiki continued, "I have the information on Ranma Saotome you requested."

Kuno perked up at this wonderful news. Eagerly he asked, "What did you find out?" The mercenary Tendo stuck out her hand and replied, "Five thousand yen." Kuno quickly placed the cash in Nabiki's hand, and she began talking.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

After walking through a massive carrot field, a boy carrying a ridiculously large backpack and a large umbrella finally approached a house. He approached a log with a blue kanji symbol on it and asked, "Could you please tell me how I get to Nerima from here?"

The log was startled, so it answered. "Tokyo is off in that direction," Kamadake announced, motioning in a vaguely east north easterly direction, "by about five hundred kilometers."

"Thank you for your help, fine sir, " the boy said, before turning westward and walking off, with the cry of, "Ranma Saotome, you will regret ever meeting Ryoga Hibiki!"

"Katsuhito took a sip of tea and murmured to himself, "Ranma Saotome. Saotome. Why does that name sound familiar?" The old caretaker shrugged and figured whatever it was would work itself out with time.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

An ocean away, in America, two anthropologists had just made a strange discovery. "What do you think it is?" one asked, shining his light on the wall etchings.

"I don't know," the second replied. "It seems to be in a language that has never been uncovered before. Let's just take a rubbing of the inscription and get out of here. This place gives me the creeps!" After the rubbing was made, the two anthropologists fled the ruins as quickly as they could.

Later, in a museum, a cloaked youth inspected the rubbing, translating it as she went. Once she finished, she incredulously muttered, "Why wasn't I told about this?"

The etching, once translated, read:

Only when the Li**v**ing Ge**m** is B**o**und to a Holy **R**ing

With a Wild Rice Picki**n**g Girl,

The **S**on of a Tr**a**nquil **R**ice Picking Girl **a**nd a Pand**a**,

And the Daugh**t**er of the S**a**me Birth,

Will the Evil that is Trigo**n** be S**e**en by Non**e**, F**o**rever**m**ore

Like all annoying prophesies, this one had random capitalization, leaving the girl to ponder the significance of the inscription as a whole. The fact that the inscription translated directly into English, letter by letter, was also surprising, and a little disturbing.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

After much debate over which bathroom Ranma should use to change back into her normal form, both he and Ukyo walked back to their classroom. Right before they could enter, however, both youths dodged, alerted by a danger sense honed by years of training under Genma. A bucketful of water splashed where the pair had been less than a second earlier. Twenty feet away, still holding a dripping bucket, stood Kuno, told to stand in the hall for shouting during class.

"Saotome, I can not accept an engagement between the fair maiden, Akane Tendo, and a churl, such as you," Kuno declared, making wild gestures with his bokken. At the word 'engaged,' the hallway was flooded by a deluge of curious students.

"Are you two really engaged?" Keiko quietly asked Akane.

Akane sighed and replied, "Unfortunately. His father and mine decided to engage us in order to 'unite the schools.'"

"Kuno, look," Ranma began diplomatically, only to be interrupted before he could actually say anything.

"Silence, recreant swine!" Kuno bellowed, angrily. "I shall smite thee!" he cried as he charged Ranma.

Ranma looked around the hallway, before retreating, saying "There are too many people here. Let's take this outside!" With that said, Ranma hopped out of a conveniently located window, followed shortly by Kuno.

"Ranma no baka," Akane muttered quietly, shaking her head slightly.

"I wouldn't worry about Ranchan," Ukyo reasoned. "Pops threw the two of us off of a five story building repeatedly to teach us how to fall properly. A three story drop is simple." Keiko sweatdropped at this remark, not sure whether Ukyo was joking or not.

"That wasn't what I was talking about, "Akane persisted. Right then,their conversation was halted by a feminine cry.

"Get off of my, pervert!" Ranma-chan's scream carried up to the observers on the third floor.

"That window overlooks the school's pool," Akane stated calmly. "Come on, let's go get some hot water so she can change back." The trio of girls hurried off, in search of hot water and then in search of a damp Ranma-chan.

Moments earlier, Ranma jumped out of the poorly chosen window. Immediately after he passed the point of no return, Ranma saw the pool. His only thought as he maneuvered himself for a smoother entry was, 'Figures.' Kuno landed in a near belly flop, but was quick to recover.

"I have you now, foul Saotome!" the errant kendoist declared as he latched onto Ranma from behind. Incidentally, that left his hands across Ranma's chest. Curious at finding vastly softer flesh than he had anticipated, Kuno did the only logical thing; he squeezed.

"Get off me, pervert!" Ranma-chan shrieked, flailing wildly. A lucky hit made Kuno loss his grip on Ranma, as well as on consciousness. Kuno was lucky, indeed, as the blow also rolled him onto his back, preventing him from drowning. Ranma reached the edge of the pool in short order and high-tailed it away from the building. When the girls found her, she was sitting up in a tree, wringing her pants out.

"Hey, Ranchan," Ukyo quipped, "have a nice swim?"

Ranma muttered to herself darkly before exclaiming, "He didn't have to grab me that hard!" She rubbed her chest, trying to reduce the residual sting from Kuno's merciless grope.

"We brought some hot water for you," Akane announced, brandishing a steaming kettle.

"Where has that cowardly ruffian Saotome gone?" Kuno asked, appearing out of the bushes. "Ah, my Akane, if you defeat me, I shall allow you to date me." Without further warning, Kuno charged.

"Ranma, catch!" Akane called, tossing the kettle upwards so her hands could be free to deal with Kuno. One well placed punch later, Kuno followed the kettle.

Ranma, in a desperate attempt to catch the kettle, lunged out from the tree, hanging horizontally by her toes. She was barely able to catch it, and couldn't do much else due to her position and complete lack of leverage. Unfortunately, Kuno's head impacted with the kettle, both spilling its contents and unbalancing Ranma. After a valiant, if futile, attempt to regain her balance, the poor redhead fell from the tree, right into Kuno's lap.

"My, what a fortunate man am I, to have two beautiful woman in love with me," Kuno surmised. "Come to me, my Tree Borne Kettle Girl!" Ranma did go to Kuno, although it was only so the kendoist would be in range for a massive kick that launched the public nuisance into the Juuban Ward. One of Sailor Uranus' World Shakings sent him back to Nerima after he landed on, and subsequently groped, Sailor Neptune.

After Ranma-chan rid the immediate area of brainless kendoists, Akane

noticed Ranma's current gender. "Oh, you haven't changed back yet?"

she asked.

"That perverted baka spilled the water before I could use any of it," Ranma whined. She didn't really want to be female any longer than she needed to, despite the month she spent with the Amazons.

Keiko smiled and held up another kettle. "I guess it's a good thing that I brought an extra kettleful, just in case," as Ranma lunged for the kettle, Keiko pulled it out of her reach. "No, I'm not going to let you have this water until after you put your pants back on." Ranma complied and became a man. The four friends headed back to class; having a ghost for a teacher is too exciting to miss.

Once they had returned to the classroom, Ember continued her lesson. The lesson was quickly and brutally murdered by an annoyance of a different color. "I am the Box Ghost! Beware!" the overweight ghost in coveralls shouted. "I am the master of all containers shaped liked a rectangular prism."

Ember groaned and shook her head. "How do you manage to get out of the Ghost Zone so easily? Never mind, I don't think I want to know. Leave now, or be pummeled severely." As an added incentive, the martial artists in the class began cracking their knuckles. Suffice it to say, the Box Ghost didn't stay around for very long.

Minutes later, the class was again disrupted, by a large figure crashing through the wall. The exoskeleton clad ghost looked around the room and asked, "Do you have any information on Purple-back gorillas?"

Again, Ember sighed, "No, I'm sorry, Skulker. You'll have to try somewhere else."

"You might want to look at Jusenkyo," Ukyo suggested.

"Yeah," Ranma continued, "there's probably a Spring of Drowned Purple-back Gorilla."

Skulker's PDA beeped. "What the?" he asked, looking at the screen mounted on his left forearm. "Visit Jusenkyo? Crud…" Wings expanded from the back of his exoskeleton, and Skulker was violently removed from the classroom by his own technology, straight up, through the roof.

"I see that it is pointless to try and get anything accomplished today," Ember conceded. "Class dismissed." With a cheer, the class stampeded out of the room, leaving their ghostly teacher to bang her head against her desk, repeatedly. "What have I gotten myself into this time?" she asked herself, hoping that the worst was over. Too bad the kami found mutilating any peace in Nerima to be immensely entertaining. On her way out the door, Ember voiced a sudden thought, "Maybe I should get a pet." This does not bode well for any concerned party.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"So, what are we going to do once we reach the dojo?" Keiko asked as she continued her way along the fence.

"Well," Ranma started, "we could do some endurance training, if we actually knew a good way of doing it."

"Yeah," Ukyo commented, "running from a hungry pack of wolves while carrying several hundred kilos isn't very fun." Akane and Keiko laughed nervously, not sure whether the wolf comment was a joke or not. For the record, it wasn't one.

"I think we should work on speed," Akane announced. "Breakfast tastes better when it's hot."

"Breakfast _was_ the speed training," Ranma muttered. "Any ideas on how we should train, then?"

"I have an idea that should work," proclaimed Keiko. "I'll set it up as soon as we arrive." Their afternoon planned, the quartet continued towards the dojo in a companionable silence.

When the group arrived at the Tendo home, with only a few stumbles onthe way, they were greeted by Kasumi, "Oh, my. You're home early."

"Do you have any old newspapers we could use?" Keiko asked. Upon receiving a stack of old periodicals, she followed the others out tothe dojo.

"So what's the plan?" Ranma asked, eager to enhance his own skills, preferably in a manner that wasn't life threatening.

"What do newspapers have to do with training?" Akane asked. No training exercise she could conceive had any use for old newspapers.

"It's simple, really, "Keiko replied. "We'll tear the papers intosmall pieces. Then we'll each toss a pile of the pieces into the air and catch as many as we can. As we improve and are able to catch more, our piles grow larger."

"Come on, let's get started!" Ukyo urged. For the next few minutes, the sound of tearing paper could be heard emanating from the dojo. After the last of the paper was torn, the scraps were divided between the trainees, and the training was ready to commence.

"Boy!" Genma bellowed from the entrance. "What kind of training is this? You will never improve if you resort to such weak methods." Finished with his rant, Genma turned and walked away.

"Ah, forget about the panda," Ranma decided. "There ain't no way ourtraining methods can be any worse than most of his."

Thus, the training began. The sheer volume of paper in the air played hell with Nabiki's cameras. Ranma and Ukyo were using the two largest piles, since their years of training made them significantly faster than the others. Keiko had the smallest pile, being the least trained of the group. However, the young girl was quickly improving, as her muscles became use to the strain. As all four youths began to slowly, yet perceptively, improve, less and less paper littered the floors and more was either in the air or in hand.

"I'm surprised the training is working so well," Keiko admitted, after realizing her pile had increased by nearly half its original size. Granted, her pile was still smaller than what the others had started with, but being able to see how far she had progressed greatly helped her self esteem. Her pile had increased the most, percentage wise, and it made her feel as though she might actually be able to learn Martial Arts after all.

"So much for the panda's prediction," Ukyo laughed, looking at the heap of paper she was using. If they continued to progress at this rate, they were going to need more paper within a week,

Kasumi interrupted any thoughts of further training by announcing, "Dinner is almost ready. You are welcome to join us, Keiko."

"Really? Thank you, I'd love to stay for diner," Keiko gushed. "Maybe we can continue training after diner."

Ranma guffawed and replied, "In Anything Goes, everything is training, especially the meals. Don't worry; you'll see what I mean soon enough."

As soon as everyone was seated and the food had been placed on the table, the five diner combatants sprang into action, Keiko only seconds after the other four. Genma was shocked, both Ranma and Ukyo were faster than he expected. He was hard pressed to defend his food against the two youths, especially with Akane and Keiko aiding the pair. True, their attempts were both clumsy and slow, but they did serve as a distraction, allowing Ranma and Ukyo to slip through the holes in his defense. Even worse, in his opinion, guarding his food left Genma little opportunity to steal food from the other plates. Luckily, however, Genma was becoming accustomed to their speed increase and was compensating accordingly. By the end of the meal, the battle looked as it normally did, though with additional participants. Then again, this is only if you were using a high speed camera and slowed the film down significantly.

After all of the food had been inhaled and/or eaten, the four young Martial Artists continued their training in the dojo, this time with Keiko wearing small weights to help increase her strength.. Genma looked in once, and cried. To think they had come up with such an effective technique, without any external motivation. It was beautiful in its simplicity and effectiveness. Not only did it increase speed, it improved the trainees' hand-eye coordination, dexterity, and endurance, at least when done for hours at a time. Maybe it was time for the panda to rethink what made a training method effective.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Ember stopped at the door to the pet shop and took a deep breath, despite the fact that she doesn't actually breathe, being a ghost and all. Finally, after arguing with herself for hours, she was going to buy a pet. Pushing the door open, Ember entered the store known simply as Skulker's Exotic Pets. With this single act, without actually purchasing a specific pet, she had doomed untold masses of Animal Control Workers.

"May I help you?" Skulker asked, before looking towards the door. "Oh, Ember, it's you. Sorry about destroying your classroom like that."

"Relax, it isn't a big deal. The repair crew has already fixed the damage. By the way, I suggest not going to Jusenkyo. You might get cursed," Ember warned.

"I noticed that," the greatest hunter in the Ghost Zone lamented. "This infernal PDA keeps ruining my plans. Now, not only am I forced to constantly research Purple-back Gorillas, I also become one whenever I get splashed with cold water! The ghost child will mock me or sure!"

Ember thought a moment about that particular ghost fighting team and replied, "Danny's not that bad of a kid, even if he did mock me in rder to distract me during my concert. I'd worry more about the Techno geek. He'd probably program 'Buy bananas' into your PDA. Now, bout my pet, what do you have today?"

Looking around at the various cages, Skulker answered, "I have a feathered boa, a hippogriff, a phoenix, a capybara, a minutour, the 'Creature Nature Never Intended' unfortunately drowned in Jusenkyo, a kraken, a dodo, a sphinx, Cerberus, a couple of talking cats who keep ranting about a Moon Kingdom, a dire wolf pup, a green alien dog, and this strange blue hedgehog that keeps muttering about 'Chaos Diamonds' or something like that. So, what would you like?"

Ember pondered a moment, and a single question blared in her head like an air raid siren. "Why do you have a specimen of the world's largest living rodent in your collection?" Skulker just shrugged. Ember dropped that particular issue and made her decision. "A pity about that drowned critter. I think it might have been a fun pet. I'll take the dire wolf, please."

"That, and all of the necessary food and supplies for the next month or so, comes to a total of one thousand ghouls," Skulker said, while retrieving the wolf pup and the necessary supplies. "Remember, you need to get a license for him as soon as you can, as well as his vaccinations and training. If you don't get him trained early enough, he might become extremely dangerous to others."

"All right, I'll get all of that taken care of within the month," Ember replied. Tension inducing music began to play as Ember paid for her new pet. A well aimed bolt from Skulker's crossbow quickly put the phonograph out of its misery, saving those near by from the dreadful sound. Unfortunately, the dog catchers in Nerima and the surrounding wards wouldn't be as fortunate, as a feeling of DOOM settled upon them as Ember carried her new pet home.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Gecko-chan here. I'd like to thank TouGod and InsaneClarinetPlayingFFX-2Fan for Beta reading this chapter for me. Again, I don't own Ranma ½, Danny Phantom, Sailor Moon, Teen Titans, Sonic the Hedgehog, El Goonish Shive, Harry Potter, Tenchi Muyo, any series I may have forgotten, and/or whatever series the prophesy refers to. Speaking of the prophesy, I am running a contest on it. Whoever posts the correct interpretation of it first will receive a prize. Unfortunately, anyone I have discussed the prophesy with can't participate. Also, only signed entries or entries with a valid email address will be accepted. Good luck to all of you. The race starts NOW!


	4. Let's follow someone else for a change

Redheads and Succubi

By Jonakhensu

I do not own Ranma ½ or anything else to speak of. I'm not even sure if I own the plot!

Chapter Fore… I mean Four: "Let's follow someone else for a change…"

Amazingly, only three hours after he had left the Masaki Shrine, the umbrella wielding youth was again hopelessly lost. "Where on Earth am I know?" he lamented, standing next to the sign, written in English, with the nice, cheerful message, 'Welcome to Hell.' Approaching a strangely dressed individual, Ryoga asked, "How do I get to Furinkan High from here?" When the flat figure of Frankenstein's monster refused to answer, regardless of what language he tried, the youth repeated the question to an actual person passing by, while pulling out a map to help get his point across.

"Furinkan High? I've never heard of that school before," the man replied. After taking a brief look at the map, he asked, "What country is this school in?"

"It's here, in Japan."

"Son, this isn't Japan. You're in America," the poor tourist announced, disturbed that the boy in front of him thought he was still on an island an ocean away. "How long ago were you in Japan?"

Well, I was in Okayama roughly three hours ago or so," the terminally lost boy answered.

"Three-three hours?" the man asked, stunned. What did you do, take a supersonic plane?"

"No," Ryoga assured the man. "I walked. Why do you ask?" The man he had talked to was currently incapable of answering, as unconscious people tend to have a hard time talking. The lad shrugged and shouldered his pack before walking away from Hell, Michigan.

Looking around, Ryoga cried out, "Where on Earth am I now?"

The astronaut next to the directionally challenged boy started violently. Looking over to the cosmonaut on the other side of the small room, he asked, "How did that kid get up here?" The cosmonaut just shrugged and turned back to his experiment. Why should he know how a kid managed to get aboard the International Space Station?

"Do you know how to get to Tokyo?" Ryoga asked.

"No. Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time," the astronaut demanded, before commenting, "I have no idea why I just said that." The boy, however, was once again lost.

"I think it is time for a vacation," the cosmonaut stated.

"Yes," the astronaut agreed. "To a nice little room with those lovely padded walls."

Back on solid ground, Ryoga continued his journey. He found it surprisingly cold, as Japan should be much warmer at this, or at any, time of the year. Ryoga decided that the nice looking gentlemen in tuxedos might be able to help him. Walking up to one of them, he asked, "Do you know how to get to Furinkan High from here?" When the emperor penguin refused to answer, stormed off to the north, shouting, "Ukyo Kounji, prepare to date me!" As the lost youth left Antarctica, he pondered what type of date he would have once he had defeated the cowardly Ranma Saotome.

Burt Gummer watched his seismograph carefully. El Blanco seemed to be targeting something near that damn sign again. Why the government insisted on having a Graboid warning sign posted on soft soil was beyond him. Everyone saw it as a photo opportunity, leaving El Blanco enough time to move in for a kill. Now it was up to him to save the poor sap from becoming worm chow.

Arriving just as the carnivorous worm attacked, Burt was stunned as the youth calmly jabbed his umbrella into El Blanco's snout and sent the albino graboid spiralling into the sky. When he finally landed, the worm quickly tunnelled off, looking for a safer meal to chase. "Welcome to Perfection," Bert shouted from his truck. "How did you do that to El Blanco?"

The youth embarrassedly rubbed his neck and replied, "It wasn't that hard, really. By the way, do you know how to get Nerima?"

Burt turned back towards the boy to ask him what he was talking about, but the youth had already vanished. "I hope he didn't get any Mixmaster on him. The world isn't ready for that stuff to be released."

How did you gain access to this vessel?" Anubis demanded in his native tongue, his face (if he _has_ one) hidden in the cowl of his cloak.

"Where the Hell am I now?" the youth being interrogated by the previously ascended Goa'uld muttered. "Ranma, this is all your fault!"

"Silence, human. If you do not wish to answer my questions willingly, I have ways of making you reveal all your secrets." Luckily for Ryoga, he got lost on the way to the torture chamber, never to be seen by Anubis again. As he could no longer torment the intruder, Anubis tortured the guards that had let him escape.

Ryoga looked around warily and demanded, "Where on Earth am I now?" The surrounding area was lit by an eerie green glow, and the entire room looked metallic.

"We are the Borg," announced the mechanized voice of a drone. "You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile."

Two metal prongs shot out of the drone's hardware ridden left arm, bouncing harmlessly off Ryoga's neck. Apparently, the drone had misjudged the thickness of its quarry's skin. "Hey! What was that for?" the lost boy exclaimed.

"This is most abnormal," the drone replied. "Compensating for the abnormality." However, Ryoga was lost yet again, leaving the Borg drone to short out its logic circuits. "Just here… No bio readings… Cannot compute… System failure imminent… 0x0000001E, KMODEEXCEPTIONNOTHANDLED." As the drone slumped forward, all it was able to see was the Blue Screen of Death. No one knows why the Borg queen had insisted on using Nifty Doorways as their operating system.

After escaping from the threat of assimilation, Ryoga was panting hard. Once he had calmed down, he looked around at the scenery. "Where the Hell am I _this_ time?" Ryoga asked the sky above him. "Well, at least I'm on solid ground again," he muttered, looking at the forest he was in. His thoughts were then interrupted as a pack of large wolves stepped out of the underbrush and into the clearing.

"We are the Warg," the largest wolf snarled. The Warg continued after biting the narrator's at being called a wolf, "Your biomass will be assimilated into our own." Ryoga as nervous, with a slight feeling of deja vu. "Resistance is chewy."

At the Warg's last comment, Ryoga facefaulted into the soft soil. This was, coincidently, the only thing that saved him from a fatal bite to the neck, intent on breaking his spine. Whirling around quickly, Ryoga was back on his feet, umbrella in one hand and his bandanna in the other. Amazingly, he was still wearing a bandanna. With a snarl of his own, Ryoga announced, "You want me? Come and get me!" The Wargs charged at one time, making it impossible for Ryoga to defend himself against all of them. However, they smashed there heads together as Ryoga blinked. He had also blinked out of existence.

"Damn it!" the Alpha Warg growled. "We lose more food that way…"

Ryoga blinked, only to find himself in a small room. He followed the organ music to a larger room with one man on an organ in it. "Excuse me, but do you know the way to Nerima, Japan?" Ryoga could be considered dense, but even he realized that he was hopping all over the place, and probably wasn't in Japan.

Captain Nemo turned and stared. "Who are you?" he demanded.

"I am Ryoga Hibiki," our resident lost boy answered honestly. "I'm just a little lost."

"Just a little lost!" shouted the gallant captain; this was inconceivable. "We are on the bottom of the ocean. How could you have possibly gotten here and remain dry?"

"I have no idea," Ryoga replied. His stomach rumbled, reminding the lad that he hadn't eaten within the last few days.

"Fine. I might as well feed you while you're here. Do you have an aversion to seafood?"

"No, I just won't eat pork. Thank you for your hospitality."

"You're welcome," replied Captain Nemo, gesturing towards the table. "Don't worry about there being any pork; we haven't had any for a few years now."

As the food arrived, Ryoga's mouth began to water, and he started eating at close to Ranma-esque speeds. "This is wonderful!" Ryoga exclaimed after eating enough to sate several normal men's appetites.

"When was the last time you ate?" Nemo asked warily. Ryoga ate the same quantity as the five hungriest members of his crew did at their worst. If the boy kept eating at this pace, he could overdose on the sleeping drugs hidden within the food. It is a good thing that he had an abundant and cheap food source available.

"I don't really remember," Ryoga began. "I haven't had time to eat over the last few days." Noticing his host's inquiring expression, Ryoga elaborated, "Between people trying to kill me and getting lost constantly, I haven't had the time to cook anything recently."

"You could stay here, if you wish," Nemo invited. Well, it was really more of an order, but he wanted to seem polite. Can't have anyone knowing about him and all. Right after Ryoga got lost while being escorted to his new bunk (he ended up in an expensive hotel room), the Nautilus was sunk by a direct torpedo strike, courtesy of the U.S. Nuclear Navy, and the _Orlando_. Amazing, Carl Knox actually managed to destroy a submarine.

After trying to explain how he had gotten into a locked hotel room, Ryoga found himself next to the wall. A multitude of students were exiting from the school. Grabbing hold of one of the students, Ryoga demanded, "Do you know how to get to Furinkan High?" The panicking youth pointed behind him to the sign clearly labelled _Furinkan High School_. "Oh," Ryoga muttered. "Sorry about that. Ranma Saotome, prepare to die!" Dropping the boy to the ground, Ryoga charged into the court yard.

Ranma, Akane, Ukyo, and Keiko were heading back to the dojo after a long day of classes. Keiko was wearing a set of weights to build up her strength while the others in the group continued training other attributes. In Akane's case, stealth was the skill of choice. Small tacks had been embedded in her shoes, so she couldn't walk as heavy-footed as she usually did. She also agreed that it was better than being beaten every time she made a sound.

Suddenly, Ranma grabbed Akane and jumped away, as Ukyo did the same with Keiko. From the sky came the shout, "Ranma Saotome, prepare to die!" Ryoga crashed down, umbrella first, where Ranma had been standing, leaving a nice impact crater.

"Do I know you from somewhere?" Ranma asked, honestly not remembering.

"How dare you forget what you did to me? Because of you, I've seen Hell!" Ryoga screamed. While he was speaking figuratively, he really had seen Hell, just not the one he was referring to.

Ranma thought back. "Wait, I know who you are," he started. Ryoga began to look slightly pleased. "No, never mind. I have no clue who you are." Everyone, even those not listening to the conversation, facefaulted.

"Ukyo, you, at least, remember me, right?" Ryoga pleaded.

"R-Ryoga?" Ukyo asked incredulously. Her memory was in slightly better shape than Ranma's. Must have something to do with the lower number of concussions she had had. Suddenly, Ukyo remembered something else about Ryoga, "You jerk! You stood me up on our date!"

"I did not!" Ryoga protested. "The date was on the day after my fight with Ranma, which the coward ran from, heading to China."

Ranma, who, by now, remembered Ryoga, objected, "I waited in that lot for three days!"

"And on the fourth day I arrived," Ryoga stated.

"How did it take you four days to get to the lot fifty meters behind your house? And with Uuchan guiding you?"

"I looked away for a second," Ukyo admitted. "When I looked back towards him, he had vanished."

"Enough pleasantries! For the pain you have caused me, Ranma, prepare to die!" Ryoga shouted, charging towards the pigtailed youth.

Nabiki was off on the sidelines, cursing her luck, "Damn it! I don't have time to set up a betting pool!"

Ranma dodged the charge easily. Ukyo, however, was slammed into a tree head first. True, she had shaken off harder hits before, but at that angle of impact, she managed to snap the tree in half, and one of the branches hit her sleep spot. Ryoga noticed the sleeping girl and reached the only logical conclusion.

"Ranma! How dare you hurt Ukyo like that?" he shouted, brandishing his umbrella like a foil.

"What are you talking about? You knocked her into the tree with that umbrella!" Ranma shouted back. Ryoga charged again, and Ranma dodged, only to be yanked back by the bandanna tied around his right wrist. "What?" Ranma asked, noticing that his aerial fighting style was now useless, or at least extremely hindered.

"Now you can't run away," Ryoga explained. "In close combat, I have the advantage! Ranma only smirked and jumped, pulling Ryoga behind him. After some impressive aerial manoeuvres, they landed. Ranma was standing on Ryoga's back, pulling the lost boy's arm through his legs, forcing him into a near fetal position.

"Ryoga," Ranma reasoned, "you're taking this a little far for my not waiting long enough for our fight."

"That fight just started this!" Ryoga began. "After you ran away, I followed you, all the way to CHINA!" With that shout, Ryoga pushed against the ground with his free hand, propelling the two combatants into the air. "This is about all of the suffering you have caused me!"

Down on the ground, one spectator gasped, "Look how high he jumped!"

"With only one hand, too," another observer stated.

Ryoga released his bandanna hold on Ranma and slammed him into the ground. Ranma got out of his crater, hopped away, and brushed the dust off of his clothes. "Is that all you got, Ryoga?"

Growling, Ryoga grabbed his discarded umbrella and hurled it at Ranma with the umbrella both open and spinning like a Frisbee. "Take this!" he snarled as his weapon of choice left his hands. Ranma easily evaded the attack, allowing the umbrella to plough into the ground a distance behind him.

One of the students attempted to pick it up, but failed. "This umbrella must weigh a ton!" he exclaimed, shocked.

"But that means," Akane began, before shouting, "Ranma! Be careful! He has the strength of a monster!"

"I think he already figured that out," Keiko stated calmly.

Ryoga, wanting to finish Ranma off quickly, took off a couple of bandannas and flung them at Ranma. "How many of those things are you wearing?" Ranma asked, surprised that Ryoga was still wearing a bandanna on his forehead.

"Why won't you take this fight seriously?" Ryoga demanded, flinging more bandannas at Ranma. Many went wide, and Ranma dodged the ones that did come near him. The ones that didn't hit the ground, however, cut through whatever they did manage hit.

"Come on, Ryoga!" Ranma shouted as he turned from the lost boy and ran, leading the reckless destruction away from the heavily peopled schoolyard. "Let's take this somewhere else!"

"Get back here, you coward!" Ryoga shouted, not realizing he could kill innocent bystanders with his attacks.

Ranma grabbed the umbrella from the ground as he passed it and used it to block the potentially fatal blades of fabric in dire need of softener. As Ranma and Ryoga left the school yard, Akane and Keiko hurried after them, in an attempt to stop the fight.

Ryoga removed his belt and used it to cut the umbrella in twain, removing it from the battle. Ranma dodged another volley of bandannas by jumping over Ryoga, landing behind him. When he dodged the next attack, he noticed that one of the whirling blades of starched death was heading directly towards Akane. "Akane!" he yelled, as he tackled her to the ground, saving her from getting beheaded. Unfortunately, Akane's hair was cut short be the bandanna.

As Akane sat in shock, Ranma realized that Keiko hadn't been as fortunate. She was lying on the ground, bleeding profusely from a gash across her chest. Akane watched in shock, and then anger as Ranma leaned over Keiko. _The injured girl reached up and pulled Ranma's head down to her own and kissed him, shiny tongue and all! Immediately after the kiss, Ranma rifled through Keiko's bag before he started rubbing the girl's chest._ Akane stood and stomped over to the two youths. With a cry of, "Ranma, you jerk!" Akane launched the pigtailed youth into the sky.

"What was that for?" Keiko asked, sitting up.

Akane answered, not noticing the bloodstained and torn shirt Keiko was wearing, "The pervert kissed you and then felt you up while you were helpless!" Keiko slowly shook her head. How jealous could Akane possibly be?

"He didn't kiss me," Keiko began quietly. "If anything, I kissed him. Either way, he just saved my life." Akane could only stare; Keiko continued, "Let's go find Ukyo and Ranma, and we'll explain everything." Akane reluctantly agreed, and, after collecting the two missing from their group, everyone headed back to the Tendo dojo for the explanation.

Ryoga wandered off, blaming Ranma for the girl's injury. Ember hadn't even known about the fight because she had gone to get a dog license for her new pet. The vet who took care of the dire wolf's immunizations was traumatized and had to remove dogs from the list of animals he treated.

Back at the dojo, the still sleeping Ukyo was finally waking up. The first thing she noticed was that Akane's hair was much shorter than it had been. She then noticed the bloody remnants of Keiko's clothing. "What the Hell happened?" Ukyo demanded, gesturing to the hair and the shirt.

Akane was the first to respond, "Ranma knocked me down and one of Ryoga's bandannas cut my hair. Then another bandanna hurt Keiko, and this pervert kissed her and felt her up!" Akane was making wild gestures towards Ranma the entire time she was speaking.

"Ranma? Kissing someone?" Ukyo asked, not believing Akane's story at all. Turning to Keiko and Ranma, she asked, "Now what really happened?"

Ranma closed his eyes for a second, hiding their glow, and answered in an unnaturally reverberating voice, "When Keiko was injured, the wound would have been fatal, even with my regenerative powers."

"Wait a minute," Akane interrupted. "What are you talking about? You don't sound like Ranma!"

"Well," 'Ranma' continued," That is because I am not Ranma. My name is Coplanar. I am a Tok'Ra."

Keiko further explained, "The Tok'Ra are alien symbiotes that form a truly symbiotic relationship with their hosts."

Soun started weeping, "Wah! The schools will never be joined! Wah!"

"Oh, please," Volanar muttered. "Ranma is still himself." Ranma was suddenly hit by Soun's river of tears, triggering the curse. "Er, I mean herself," Volanar continued. "I knew I should have paid more attention to what Keiko was doing. Anyway, talk to Ranma."

Again Ranma closed her eyes. After regaining control of her body, Ranma-chan spoke in her usual voice, asking, "Hey, Keiko, how did you ever get used to this?"

Keiko smiled and replied, "Volanar didn't really participate in my life at all. I was only giving her a place to live for a while."

"Anyway," Volanar continued, "I couldn't save Keiko on my own, so I quickly explained to Ranma what he needed to do in order to save her." She held up a circular device. "This is a Hand Device. It is much more effective at healing than just a symbiote is, especially with all of Ranma's latent energy."

"So why didn't Ranma just use the device by himself?" Nabiki asked.

"You need Naquida in your blood to be able to use it," Volanar explained. "Continuing on, once Ranma agreed, I entered his body through his mouth, so there wouldn't be any visible scarring."

"Then it wasn't a kiss?" Akane asked.

"Of course it wasn't!" Ranma-chan shouted.

Keiko asked the next important question, "What are you and Volanar going to do now, Ranma?"

"Apparently there's a military base in America that Volanar wants tovisit. Something about annoying the General," Ranma-chan stated.

"She meant whether or not you and Volanar will be staying together, Ranchan," Ukyo told her with a laugh.

"Well, I guess we'll stay together for now and see what happens," Ranma replied, before letting Volanar take control.

"This curse of his might give me a headache, though," groaned Volanar. "The hormone shifts are unsettling, to say the least." Everyone sweatdropped and mindless chitchat ensued.

Later that night, when everyone was asleep, Ryoga appeared in the dojo, a new umbrella keeping him out of the heavy rain. He entered the guest room and stood above the sleeping Ranma. Whispering, "Now you die, Saotome," Ryoga punched directly at Ranma's head. Ranma, oblivious to the world, rolled over at that exact instance, causing Ryoga to impale the pillow instead. "Damn it," he cursed before trying again. Still he missed as Ranma turned out of the way without waking. "Even in your sleep, you mock me!" Wake up and die!" Ryoga bellowed, punting Ranma out into the rain.

"Hey!" Ranma-chan shouted. "What did you do that for?"

"So you are cursed to become a girl. You know nothing of a true curse!" Ryoga shouted as he attacked, his umbrella still keeping him dry.

"What's going on?" Ukyo asked, waking up. Noticing the hole in the wall, she looked out and saw Ranma-chan fighting Ryoga. "Doesn't he ever take a break?" she asked the air, flinging herself out of the window. Before she could lend Ranma a hand, however, the fight was ended by the other girls in the house.

A few minutes earlier, a loud crash, namely Ranma going through a wall, had awoken the Tendo girls. "What was that noise?" Nabiki asked, standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"I think it was a burglar," Akane stated. "I'll go take care of him!" she continued, hefting a cinderblock.

"You could hurt someone with that," Kasumi berated Akane. "Here, use this instead." A minute later, the dumbbell Kasumi had handed Akane was hurled at the two combatants, knocking the umbrella away and Ranma unconscious.

Ryoga fled, unaware that he was being followed. When his curse activated, Ukyo swooped down and caught the resulting small animal before he could escape. Minutes later, Ukyo was standing in the kitchen, holding both Ryoga's clothing and a small black pig. "Hey everyone," she announced. "I caught Ryoga!"

"Really?" Akane asked. "Where is he?"

"He's the pig," Ranma-chan stated. "Give me his clothing and some hot water so we can hear how this happened."

Once Ryoga was both human and decent again, he told his tragic tale, "When Ranma ran from our fight, I followed him, all the way to Jusenkyo. While I was there, a panda, chased by a red-headed girl and a winged demon girl, knocked me into the Spring of Drowned Black Piglet. The panda reached down and picked me up. He carried me back to the guide's hut, where the guide mentioned that there was a spring of Drowned Black Piglet, but that didn't stop him from trying to cook me for diner without checking first."

"How horrible!" Ukyo gasped, glaring at Genma.

"Once they threw me into the pot, I returned to normal. Now, every time I get splashed, I turn into a pig!"

"That isn't all that bad," Ukyo said, patting Ryoga on the shoulder. "I think there's a Spring of Drowned Mercenary, or something."

Ranma-chan remembered the tale of that particular Spring, so she corrected Ukyo, "Actually, it was the Spring of Drowned Mercenaria mercenaria: The Spring of Drowned Hard-Shell Clam. How one of those managed to drown is beyond me. They never actually tested the spring because they didn't want to be cursed, especially with that curse, so the spring might not have a curse yet."

"So, Ukyo, what Spring did you fall into?" Ryoga asked, noticing the girl's odd appearance. She hadn't changed back because she didn't really mind the curse, just the annoyances it caused.

"I fell into two Springs," Ukyo explained. "First I fell into the Spring of Drowned Vampire Bat, and then I fell into the Spring of Drowned Girl."

"The Spring of Drowned Girl didn't remove the curse?" Ryoga asked, aghast.

Ranma answered, "Unfortunately, no. The curses seem to mix, rather than cancelling each other. I'm going to stay as far away from the Spring of Drowned Man as possible." Ryoga nodded in agreement.

"I don't think I want to be a pig man," Ryoga muttered to himself.

"Well, I need to get back to sleep," Ranma-chan stated. "I'm going to need my energy if I'm going to swim to America tomorrow." She headed off to bed, completely forgetting about her current gender. Or that thought was repressed by Volanar, in order to escape another headache.

Ranma woke up earlier than normal, as well as on her own. This was exceedingly abnormal behavior for the pigtailed youth. It could also be explained by two things: she wanted to get an early start on her trip, and/or she needed less sleep after joining with Volanar. Either way, she was up early, and she was ready to go, having packed everything she might need safely away in her weapon space. Ah, behold the usefulness of Amazon Hidden Weapons techniques.

Looking over at Ukyo, Ranma smiled; the true girl had tied a rope to Ryoga so he couldn't get lost. "I'm amazed she still likes the lost fool," Ranma-chan muttered softly. Heading downstairs, she was surprised that Kasumi was already working in the kitchen. "What are you doing up so early, Kasumi?"

Oh, Ranma, you're up already," Kasumi remarked. "I was just preparing some food for your trip." Smiling, she pointed to the mounds of food on the counter.

"Thank you, Kasumi. I was planning on catching my means, but this is much easier."

"You're welcome. Did you get those identification papers from Nabiki?" Kasumi asked. It wouldn't do to have her sister's fiancé arrested when he got to America.

"Yup, I have them right here," Ranma announced, producing a very peculiar passport from his sleeve. Instead of the normal single photo and identifying characteristics, Ranma's passport had two pictures, one in each form, accompanying statistics, and an explanation of his curse. All it would take to verify his identity was a glass of either hot or cold water, making the theft of said identification rather pointless.

"Boy," Genma yelled, bursting into the kitchen. "You will take Akane with you on this trip!"

"Pops," Ranma-chan started slowly. "I'm going to be swimming to America. I don't think Akane could manage that yet."

Akane had woken up from Genma's shout, and had appeared in the kitchen. "What couldn't I manage?" she demanded savagely.

"Pops thinks you should join me on my trip to America, despite the fact that I plan to swim. Not that I think you're weak or nothing; I just don't want you to get hurt. Hell, I'm not sure if I can make it all the way in one go."

Akane sighed, "I can't swim at all, forget about swimming that far."

"Really?" Ranma asked. "You should have Ukyo, or maybe Keiko, teach you while I'm on my trip."

"Sure," Ukyo said as she walked into the room. "Keiko and I can teach you."

"Well," Ranma-chan declared. "I need to get going, or I'll miss the tide. Bye for now!" Ranma stuffed Kasumi's food into her weapon space and ran out the door. Once she reached the coast, she jumped in and began swimming towards America.

(v-v)>

Well, that's another chapter done. Keep up the guessing! Some of them are really close! There should be no reviewing concerning the responses to your guesses that I may have made. Everyone should have their own chance to guess. I know Ryoga's directional curse is a little severe, but this will be important later. Like during the next chapter. Well, until next time, keep reviewing!

Also, I'd like to thank my insane clarinetist Beta reader, as well as blame any format problems I missed on using multiple formats for transmitting and editing the chapter.

As I forgot to put in a disclaimer for this chapter, I'm doing it now. I don't own Ranma 1/2, Tenchi Muyo, the _International Space Station_, the continent of **Antartica**, Tremers, _Hell, Michegan_, 2000 Leagues Under the Sea, Star Trek, Stargate: SG1, Down Pariscope,wherever the Hell the Warg came from, the random hotel, Danny Phantom, or anything else I happened to miss. Thank you for your time.


	5. Corrupting Kasumi

Redheads and Succubi

Chapter Five

"Corrupting Kasumi"

By Jonakhensu, AKA Gecko-chan

I'm sorry for this entire chapter. I had to do most of it in order to set the stage for future plot developments. As for anyone else, I don't like that person. Anything done to Kasumi is because I'm an evil bastard and I thought she needed some more "fun." Well, enjoy! Just remember, I am immune to most flames! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

A week had passed since Ranma had started her swim to America, and things were progressing nicely. Ukyo and Keiko had started to teach Akane how to swim. They had almost trained the panicked flailing out of her, paving the way for the actual lessons.

Ukyo, with the help of Nabiki, had opened an okonomiyaki restaurant by the name 'Uuchan's.' Considering that the vast majority of any profits made would be used to help pay for the extra guests at the Tendo domicile, Nabiki kindly waived her usual fees. The restaurant had quickly become very popular, and brought in more money than even Nabiki had hoped.

Presently, Kasumi realized that she was running low on the particular spices she liked to use while cooking. Unfortunately, the only place nearby where she could purchase her spices was known for its high crime rate, especially muggings. Now, the spices themselves were legal, unlike almost everything else in that area.

Typically, she'd carry mace and a high voltage cattle prod to dissuade any would be assailants. Inconveniently, the mace had recently expired, and Nabiki had stolen her batteries for some unknown reason, which will not b dignified with any further discussion. Having no other options, Kasumi walked up to the guest room and asked, "Ryoga, could you please escort me to the market?"

Indeed, Ryoga was still tied to a spatially fixed point in the room, negating any possibility of getting lost. "Wouldn't one of the others be better for this? I would just get you lost," the part-time pig replied depressed by his inability to be helpful.

"Oh, that shouldn't be a problem," Kasumi stated. "I know where I need to go. Besides, you are much more intimidating than anyone else here at the moment."

Confronted with such logic, Ryoga relented. Then again, very few people can say no to the eldest Tendo sister. Her word alone was enough to stop even the most depressed lemming from jumping. Thus, Ryoga followed Kasumi to the market (This little piggy went to market…), though he asked Kasumi to carry a thermos of hot water for him and carried his giant umbrella in case of a random shower.

Rather surprisingly, the pair managed to reach the particular stall Kasumi sought without incident. However, only a few steps after they had left with their purchases, trouble struck, with a baseball bat. Ryoga didn't even bother to move and took the blow to the head with ease. Turning to Kasumi, not even bothering to see if her companion had gone down, the mugger demanded, "Give me all of your money, and I'll go easy on you."

As the mugger reached for the girl, he felt a hand on his shoulder. "I believe the lady would rather keep her money," Ryoga growled, lifting the punk off of the ground and tossing him away with casual ease.

"Oh my, Kasumi started, looking towards where the mugger had landed. "Ryoga, we need to get out of here, right now! The mugger had crashed into several heavily armed friends of his, and they were ready to attack.

With no alternative, Ryoga scooped Kasumi up and ran, with his umbrella held open behind them to block the bullets he knew were soon to follow. He turned left down one alley, right down the next, and then turned in a direction that defied definition. In fact, according to nearly every physicist on the planet, that direction could not even exist (Cough Washu Cough). In any case, Ryoga had lost their pursuers and could now stop. Unfortunately, he couldn't stop fast enough.

He noticed the bamboo poles surrounding them a moment too late to do anything about it. Right before the pair slashed down, Ryoga muttered, "Damn it! Not Jusenkyo again!"

"Ryoga, are you alright?" Kasumi asked from her seat in the spring. A quick check reassured her that her herbs had remained dry.

If nothing else, Ryoga was lucky in one regard. No more embarrassing nudity for this little piggy. Of course, the Guide chose that moment to appear. "Ayiah," he exclaimed. "Spring of Drowned Girl very popular recently."

Amazingly, they had indeed fallen into the one spring that would have no immediate effect on Kasumi. The quasi-sentient spirit of Jusenkyo must like her. Ryoga, on the other hoof, so to speak, had become a midnight-black, fanged pig-girl, who could, at worst, be considered 'cute.' If you didn't mind the thought of an anthropomorphic female pig, she would be considered down right 'hot.' She was slightly taller than Ranma's girl form, leaving her taller than Ukyo's cursed form, yet shorter than Kasumi.

"I didn't want to be a pig-man," Ryoga whined. "Now I'm a pig-girl!" Looking over her new body, Ryoga noticed that her hands now had five fingers, rather than the hooves they had been. Her feet, however, were still cloven. She would have to put her shoes into her pack until she changed back. At Kasumi's subtle prodding, Ryoga opened her shirt to take stock of her new assets. Of course, Ryoga being Ryoga, she passed out with a nosebleed as soon as she looked upon the two black-furred mounds on her chest.

"Hm," She thought aloud once she had regained consciousness in the Guide's hut, "I wonder what Uuchan will think of my new body." Glaring at the Guide, she added, "At least I don't need to worry about being eaten anymore!" The guide visibly winced, recalling the meal he had almost made out of this particular customer.

After some tea, Kasumi and Ryoga left Jusenkyo, continuing on their path home, or wherever they ended up. Ryoga was currently in her cursed form because Kasumi had pointed out that the neo girl needed to adjust to her new body. With Ryoga-chan in the lead, the duo was soon hopelessly lost for the second time.

After a week of wondering in the woods, Ryoga-chan was over her excessive nosebleed stage. This, of course, made it much easier to bathe. Unfortunately, she would still pass out from a lack of blood whenever Kasumi tried to bathe with her, offering to wash her back. Now, however, the two girls had made their way out of the forest and were standing in a dimly lit room. Something about the green tinted light bothered Ryoga; it seemed familiar, some how.

"We are the Borg, stated a drone. Ah, that's where she remembered this lighting from. Preparing to flee to an unknown location, Ryoga turned and spotted a slight complication. "Kasumi, we need to leave right now!"

The drone, however, had different thoughts on the matter. "Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated." Even as Ryoga disappeared, dragging Kasumi with her, the uncursed cursed girl was injected with more than enough nanoprobes to make her a full fledged member of the Collective.

Back in the loving embrace of the wilderness, Ryoga-chan and Kasumi took stock of their situation. Both girls appeared to be fine, but then a small metal bud sprouted on Kasumi's cheek. The bud quickly spread its petals, and then began to spread across her face.

"Ryoga, what is happening to me?" asked the panicking Kasumi.

Ryoga didn't have an answer. However, Kasumi did receive something resembling an explanation. "Heya Skipper!" cried the overly cheerful paperclip in the new drone's own mind. "I'm Binky, the Cheerful Talking Paperclip, and I'm here to help you adjust to being a drone operating on Nifty Doorways XP. Would you like to assimilate your friend?"

"No," Kasumi replied.

"Assimilate the natives?"

"No."

"Destroy a civilization?"

"No."

"Reenergize in a Borg Alcove?"

"Do you have a hide function?" Kasumi asked politely.

"No."

Come on Ryoga, let's get going. With any luck, things won't get any worse." Thus, the motley duo continued to wonder aimlessly, looking for the way home, as it began to rain.

A week's time found Ryoga-chan and Kasumi in another strange location, walking in grass that was more than a meter tall. Wading through the grass, Kasumi tripped over an egg-shaped animal that had eluded her sensors. "Chansey," the creature cried in alarm. A rustling quickly began approaching through the surrounding grass.

"We are the Borg," Kasumi stated, forced to obey a particularly persistent subroutine in her programming. "Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated." Mere seconds later, the unfortunate Chansey joined the collective.

As the new drone fell to the ground, its attempted savior entered the clearing. It prepared its attack with the war cry, "Primape!"

"Oh my, are you going to fight back?" Kasumi asked. When the overly aggressive pokémon attacked, an energy blast shot forth, stunning the belligerent Primape. Having phazers as part of your body does have its advantages.

"Come on, Kasumi, we still need to get you home," Ryoga-chan urged, wearily gesturing the potential threat of assimilation to follow her. Luckily for the black pig-girl, Kasumi still had enough control over her body to override Binky's quest to assimilate their traveling companion. As the two girls continued their journey, they were joined by another: the most recent member of the Collective.

"Chansey," the tagalong remarked as it made a left turn at the end of what is theoretically possible.

"Where are we now?" Ryoga-chan wailed as she looked around the wide open area they had found themselves in. The only thing there was a crib like object situated in the exact center of the plain.

"According to my sensors," Kasumi began, "We are in a fifth dimensional artifact known as the Madness Maze."

"It doesn't look very much like a maze to me!" Ryoga declared. "It doesn't look like much of anything!"

"Amazing," growled a voice from behind the three travelers. When they turned around, they say that the speaker was a large, bipedal, wolf-like humanoid. It continued, "You traveled all of the way to the center of the Madness Maze without any preconception of what you would find here?"

"Actually, we just got a little lost, Ryoga-chan admitted. Being so close to a natural predator was starting to make her nervous, despite her confidence in her Martial Art abilities.

"Anyways," the wolf-man continued, "you must have been adaptable enough for the Maze to change you."

"Oh, my, are you sure?" Kasumi asked.

"Well, your heads haven't exploded and your bodies aren't being warped like putty yet, so I'd assume so."

As the Madness Maze changed a few of Kasumi's genes, it also changed a few lines of programming in both Kasumi's and Chansey's heads. "Heya, Skipper," Binky announced. "Thank you for installing Nifty Doorways XP-F. Have a cheerful day!"

In a galaxy far, far away, so far that it wasn't even in the same universe, something… unusual was transpiring. Yes, the Borg were, once again, trying to assimilate Voyager and its crew.

"We are the Borg," they droned. "Resistance is futile. You will-" Here the drones stopped, twitched violently, and continued, "Join us for tea and cookies."

Seven-of-Nine lowered her weapon, raised an eyebrow, and commented, "Oh my, this is most peculiar." Yes, Kasumi has indeed corrupted the entirety of the Collective, even those no longer in it.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

"Despite how much I would like to stay here and find out what happened to us," Ryoga-chan started, "we really need to get back to Tokyo. "We've already been gone for two weeks."

"Alright, Ryoga, let's get going. Come along, Chansey."

"Chansey," the pokémon replied, hurrying after the two others. The group walked off, until they turned in on themselves and vanished, leaving behind a whoosh of displaced air.

After an additional two weeks of wondering through limbo, the three travelers emerged back into real space. The manner of their arrival, in fact, was quite amusing, in a cosmic sense. The trio stepped forth from a blood-red portal into a grey room with one large window facing them. Barely after they got even the slightest glimpse at the window, a blast wall descended, obscuring their view. Two large blast doors closed as well, as the last of the retreating uniformed men slipped through, blocking the exits at either side of the room.

"Ranma Saotome!" Ryoga-chan bellowed. "This is all your fault!" The irate pig-girl gently pounded her fist against one of the blast doors, denting it slightly.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Well, there you go, the fifth, and, I think, ninth chapter of Redheads and Succubi. What I mean is that I wrote several chapters out, but then decided to start this chapter over again. I hope you like what I did with it, if not the content itself. I think that what I did to Ryoga is an original idea, and I'm sure what I did to Kasumi is. Please don't hurt me for cursing Kasumi. Jusenkyo has already punished me for that. Right now, I'm a gecko-girl. At least now I can still type easily.

Now, stuff I don't own… Pokémon, the Deathstalker series, Star Trek Voyager, Tenchi Muyo, Ranma ½, or anything else I may have mentioned. Also, if anyone wants to write an Omake, feel free to do so. Please email me directly, rather than post it in a review. We wouldn't want to ruin the surprise, now would we? Until next time, thanks for reading!

Gecko-chan, signing off.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Alright here's an Omake courtesy of Shinji the Good Sharer:

"We are the borg, we must visit earth and subconsiously flirt with Tofu Ono"

/2 weeks later/

Dr. Tofu: running for his life "AH! GET THEM AWAY!"

Borg drones: chasing "Resistance is futile, you will be seduced."

2 Borg drones: bow to the staring Kasumi "Borg Queen Kasumi, the seduction of Tofu Ono is proceeding according to predicted peramiters."

Kasumi: "Oh my!"


	6. What is happening now?

Redheads and Succubi

By Jonakhensu

Chapter 6

"What is going on now?"

I own nothing, and now for the fun of making everyone go insane. Also, some of what could be seen as character worship is really me mocking how horrible the distribution of apparent power is.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

It was a beautiful day in Jump City. The sun was shining, there were only a few cumulus clouds in the sky, birds were singing, and Cinderblock was rampaging in the park. Well, at least the weather was nice.

Raven sighed as the alert sounded; she was in the middle of her morning meditation. "Can this wait?" she asked. "I've almost achieved inner piece."

"Forget about inner peace," Robin, the leader of the Teen Titans, ordered. "We have to stop Cinderblock before he can hurt anyone!" That said, the team piled into the T-car and sped to the park.

When the Titans reached the park, they saw Cinderblock having a grand old time. Trees were uprooted and thrown into the streets, cars were overturned, and people were fleeing in a dangerous panic.

As the Titans rushed to stop the crazed Gollum, Raven noticed something unusual. One civilian in the park wasn't running from the scene. In fact, the redheaded girl in question was sleeping peacefully, with a large tabby cat sitting on her chest. The only logical reason Raven could think of for the girl to sleep through the attack was her being deaf.

"Titans, go!" Robin shouted, interrupting Raven's contemplation. Cyborg began the fight with a blast from his sonic cannon. Starfire joined in with her starbolts and eye beams, while Beast Boy charged in as a bull, only to be caught by the horns and flung back towards his friends. The green bull slammed both himself and the Tammeranian girl into Cyborg. The resulting tangle of limbs removed the three from the battle for the time being.

A bus, coated in black energy was tossed towards Cinderblock. Raven followed her first attack with two street lights, wrapping the behemoth's arms against its body. Cinderblock casually tore the makeshift bindings apart and swatted Raven away as one would a fly.

The force of the blow caused Raven to plow into the ground, making a furrow fifty feet in length, ending up next to the bench the redhead was still sleeping on. The girl had begun to whimper quietly, as though she were caught in the heart of a nightmare. Oddly enough, the cat on her chest hadn't run away yet. As Raven sat up and groaned, she saw the tree that was flying towards her. Unable to dodge, as that would leave the sleeper helpless, Raven created a protective dome of black energy around herself and the bench. Raven attacked head on, and was swatted across the street into a nearby pet shop.

Finally, after all of his teammates were, for all practical purposes, taken out of the fight, Robin decided to lend a hand. With a single, flying axe-kick, which essentially defied all logic, Robin knocked the villain, known as Cinderblock, unconscious.

"YeOWR!" came the inhuman shriek from the middle of the park while Robin and the now untangled Titans restrained the fallen adversary. A red and black blur flew past the, still recovering, Titans, chasing a butterfly. The blur stopped, as the butterfly hovered next to a tree. Now the creature's form could be discerned. Surprisingly, it was a girl, with flaming red hair in a short braid, wearing a red silk shirt and black pants that seemed several sizes too large for her frame. The girl was walking on her hands and feet, and her brown tail swished back and forth behind her.

"Dude!" Beast Boy exclaimed. "If she had cats' ears, she could be a catgirl!" It really isn't very surprising that he would have a fur fetish.

"Merow!" the girl in question said, swatting at the butterfly. Even though she was still several feet away, the innocent insect was shredded into tiny, itty-bitty pieces. This greatly surprised those Titans that were present. Even more surprising was that all of the bark on the tree was also shredded. Happy with a job well done, the girl began to clean her face, like a cat.

"We've got to stop her before she destroys the park!" Robin shouted, jumping to conclusions. Not to mention the fact that most of the park had already been destroyed, it was the thought that counts. "Titan's go!" He attacked, bo staff in hand, only to have said staff shredded into metal curls before his unbelieving eyes. The girl's counter attack was a palm strike, with her 'claws' sheathed, to Robin's sternum. The Boy Wonder flew back and crashed through a lemonade stand. Too bad he does not have a Jusenkyo curse, ne?

Seeing her leader, and potential romantic interest, down for the count, Starfire charged, while shooting her starbolts and eye beams along the entire approach. Her target, however, easily dodged the wild energy blast and retaliated with a swipe of her 'paw.' "Eep!" Starfire squeaked. While she was unharmed, her clothing was not. As she raced back to the T-Tower for a new set of clothing, Beast Boy feinted from the sight. This in turn, caused Cyborg to fall to the ground, laughing.

"Great, how am I supposed to get this catnip out of my cloak?" Raven griped as she exited the ruins of the pet shop. Right as she noticed that her team was down, she was tackled by a red blur.

"Please don't fight," the girl forced herself to ask as she curled up on Raven's lap, purring contentedly. Raven was so shocked by both the request and the cat-like mind she sensed, that she sat there silently with a strange girl on her lap and started to scratch behind the redhead's ears. Happy with this treatment, the volume of the girl's purring increased significantly.

"Raven! Get away from her!" Cyborg yelled, getting his sonic cannon ready to fire. "She's dangerous!"

"She's nothing but a big pussy cat," Raven replied.

"Can a cat do that!" Beast Boy demanded, pointing at the shredded tree.

"I'll give you that, but she hasn't caused as much damage as we usually do." Looking over at Cyborg, who was trying to get into a position to blast the redheaded monstrosity off of her lap, Raven continued, "Before you do anything to hurt this girl, I'm leaving." That said, Raven sank into the ground, taking the still purring girl with her.

"Raven can take care of herself," Robin assured his teammates after he was awakened from his impromptu nap. "Come on; let's get back to the Tower."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Upon entering the T-Tower, the three boys witnessed a truly unusual sight. The redheaded menace was curled up asleep on Raven's lap, purring. "Aw, she's so cute," the newly clad Starfire commented, as though the girl hadn't destroyed her clothing fifteen minutes earlier. "Can we keep her?"

"I'm afraid not, Star," Raven answered. "Even though she's acting like a cat right now, she was rational earlier."

"How can you tell?" Robin asked.

"She asked me to not fight her."

"But, but, she could have killed you!" Beast Boy shouted.

"She could have killed any of you when you attacked her, but she didn't," Raven pointed out. It was true; the girl had used a palm strike on Robin, instead of impaling him with her claws. Only Starfire would have had any real chance at surviving had the 'cat' decided to use lethal attacks.

Their reminiscing was cut short, however, by a groan from the general area of Raven's lap. "Urg. What happened? Where am I?" The young girl slowly looked around, trying to get her bearings. Looking up, the redhead realized she was on another girl's lap. "Eep! Saotome Final Attack!" At these words, the Titans prepared for battle. They fell over in shock when the girl jumped up and tried to run away.

Try being the operative word. Running head first into a wall of black energy tends to stop forward momentum rather quickly. "That is the 'Saotome Final Attack?'" Raven asked incredulously.

"Well," the redhead began, before pointing to the back of the room. "Look! There's a demonic duck of some sort!"

All of the Titans turned to look. Surprisingly, there, in the back of the room, stood a demonic duck. Said demonic duck was holding a sign; a sign that read, "I feel so used."

When the Teen Titans turned back, no redhead did they see. "Yo, where'd she go?" Cyborg asked.

Looking around quickly, Raven noticed the open window. "You have got to be kidding." She muttered under her breath. Yes, the redheaded girl had escaped her capturers, by jumping out the window. Not one to quickly learn from past mistakes, she had jumped without looking at what was below her.

As soon as her feet had left the window sill, Ranma-chan knew she was in trouble. Had she looked _before_ she leaped, she would have known that she was ten stories up. Her only hope at avoiding a major injury was if she managed to land in the water. As she flipped in the air to direct her descent, a sphere of black energy formed around her, stopping her fall. Unfortunately, it didn't stop her flip and she was knocked out when her head connected with the bottom of the sphere.

When Ranma-chan awoke, she realized something was very wrong. First, she was on a bed. Second, she was strapped to the bed with very strong bonds. Finally, she noticed the purple haired girl who was floating in the corner of the room.

Raven was meditating while she waited for the strange girl before her to awaken. Her trance was broken when the girl she was waiting on spoke, in a voice that she recognized as the one who had asked her not to fight. "No, I refuse to allow you to place us into anymore danger! Let us see what these people want before you make another stupid escape attempt."

"Now that you are awake, and are feeling more cooperative," Raven began. "Who are you?"

Ranma-chan laughed uneasily and scratched the base of her pigtail, breaking her bonds easily. "I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this."

"What are you sorry about?" the dark girl asked.

"Um, sleeping on you like that. What happened? I don't remember anything after I woke u from the nightmare."

"You were acting like a cat. After you pounced on me, I brought you here. By the way, I'm Raven."

"Um, did I hurt anyone while I was out of it?" Ranma-chan asked, worried.

"Not seriously. As far as I can tell, you just punched Robin through a lemonade stand."  
"Is he alright?"

"It would take more than that to keep Robin down. Also, I think you may have shredded a set of Starfire's clothes."

"Who's Starfire?" the redhead asked.

"Greetings! It is marvelous to meet you!" the girl who had just flown into the room announced, trapping Ranma-chan in a hug that would put an Amazonian glomp to shame.

"That's Starfire," Raven began, before noticing that one of the two redheads was beginning to turn a tad blue. "Um, you might want to let go, Star. She can't breathe."

"I am sorry, new friend," Starfire apologized as she set the smaller girl down. "You are no longer a cat, yes."

Starfire did not receive an answer. Instead, both she and Raven were blown over by the drafting created by Ranma-chan's rapid evacuation of the room. Unfortunately, she STILL had not learned to watch where she was going. Walking out to the edge of the growing puddle, Raven asked, "Ranma, are you… Who are you?"

The wet boy laughed nervously, scratching the base of his pigtail, and said, "I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this."

"Who are you, and how did you get into the Tower?" Robin demanded. The puddle of water growing from the ruptured hot water main stopped its advance as Cyborg closed the upstream valves.

"Raven brought me here. I am the same person who was acting like a c-c-c-c-feline earlier."

"Who are you, and who are you working for?" Robin asked, stuck in interrogation mode.

"I'm not working with anyone! I was just taking a nap in the park after I got in from Japan. I got blown off course by a storm."

Ranma closed his eyes for a moment before continuing in a strangely echoing voice, "Swimming across the Pacific Ocean tried even our endurance. I am Volanar, by the way."

"I'm confused," complained Beast Boy. "First you were a girl, and now you're a boy! And how can you be both Ranma Saotome AND Volanar?" Garfield began pulling his hair in frustration.

"I doubt he and the girl are the same person," Robin stated, paranoid as usual.

"Damn. This is going to give me a headache," Volanar grumbled. "Alright, we can prove that Ranma and I are the same girl you saw earlier. We're going to need a cup of cold water and a cup of hot, not scalding, water. Ranma, you take over for this."

The boy closed his eyes again while the water was fetched. "I am taking over because Volanar wishes to brace himself for the hormone shifts that occur with the change."

"Here you go, Ranma," Raven said, handing the two glasses to the pigtailed youth.

"You see, I have a curse that changes me into a girl whenever I come into contact with cold water." This said, the boy poured a little of the cold water onto his head. Everyone watched on, stunned, as the boy before them shrank into a well-endowed girl.

"Dude! Are those real?" Beast Boy asked, while emanating Nabiki.

Ranma-chan twitched and asked, "Could you please stop that?" When the green changeling continued to hold onto what he had no business holding in the first place, Ranma-chan sighed. "Warm water returns me to my birth form." As the warm water triggered the change, Beast Boy jumped back in shock as Ranma's chest flattened and broadened under his offending hands. "As you can see, I am really a guy."

"Yo, that explains where the girl went," Cyborg began, "but what's up with this Volanar person?"

"Well, in order to save one of my friends, I had to become the host of an alien symbiote known as a Tok'Ra."

"I know of no aliens by that name," Starfire commented. As the Titan's resident expert on extraterrestrials, Starfire would be the one to know if such a symbiote did exist.

"And I have never seen, nor heard about, one of your kind," Volanar admitted. "And I have the collective genetic memory from every generation before me."

"How could it be possible for both of you, with all of your combined experience, to have never met a similar species?" Raven asked.

"I don't know," Volanar said. "I was hiding out in Japan for the last twenty years. Look, do you have any ibuprofen? That damn curse always gives me a headache."

After the symbiote had been adequately mollified, Raven broached what could be a potentially sensitive subject, "Ranma, if you don't mind me asking, how did you get cursed?"

"Oh, it was nothing special. My Pops took my friend, Uuchan, and me to this legendary training ground in China. The baka didn't even know a single word of Chinese, so we didn't know about the danger until it was too late. At least Uuchan and I got better curses than Pops did, the baka panda," Ranma explained.

"And this curse caused you to grow a tail?" Robin asked.

"Don't be silly. I don't have a tail!"

"So… the long brown thing behind you isn't really there?" Raven asked with an eyebrow quirked.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Gecko-chan here. Again, I'd like to thank all of my proofreaders. While this is really a horrible place to stop the chapter, it is also the perfect place. Please leave any comments you may have about my work. The story, in one document and without the author's notes, is fifty-eight pages long. Considering I STILL have not gotten the true "plot" underway, yet, it's pretty good. On a random tangent, I received a very ironic gift for Christmas. I received a blanket with a gecko on flames pattern. Somewhat fitting, no?


	7. Annoying the Admiral

Redheads and Succubi

By Jonakhensu A.K.A Gecko-chan

Chapter 7: "Annoying the Admiral"

Yes, it is I, Jonakhensu, here with another instillation of this (originally) serious story. Unfortunately, serious doesn't seem to work. Anyways, have fun! Also, sorry that you won't be able to tell exactly what is happening, plot-wise, as I am still working on its development. I _still_ don't own anything in the story, with the partial exception of Keiko, who does not appear in this chapter. Additionally, the reason it has taken me so long to update is writer's block. For some reason, I write best on long car trips (several hours). Otherwise, I'm horribly lazy.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

After three weeks of travel, Ranma had finally reached her destination. Annoyingly enough, to her, she had not been able to find hot water for the last few days. As she and her new traveling companion were just coming into sight of the compound's entrance, a light shower started, eliminating any chance Ranma-chan had of becoming male before entering.

Looking over at her companion, Ranma-chan realized that she was the only one getting wet. "Hey! Why didn't you cover me, as well?" the redhead whined.

Her companion smirked, and answered, "You looked like you needed to cool down a little." Yes, Raven's mild sadistic streak had absolutely no bearing on her actions. Additionally, Ranma is from the planet Transsexual, in the galaxy Transylvania, if you'll pardon the Rocky Horror Picture Show gag, but it is strangely appropriate when referring to the pigtailed martial artist. "Besides, you shouldn't have eaten all of our pizza."

"I told you, I didn't eat it!" Ranma protested, the tip of her tail twitching from its position around her waist. "I don't even know what happened to the box!"

"Halt!" the guard outside the compound shouted as the two girls approached. "Do the two of you have the proper clearance to be here?"

Ranma-chan eyed the massive tunnel behind the guard and answered before Raven could, "I believe so, unless I jump higher than I normally do." Raven palmed her face, slightly embarrassed to be associated with the other girl.

"That is not what I mean!" the now righteously irritated guard snapped. "Let me see your identification."

"Oh! Why didn't you ask for it earlier?" Ranma-chan asked innocently.

The guard took the passport offered by the redhead and the Titan Communicator from Raven. Less than a minute later, the guard returned both items. "I'm sorry, ladies, but neither of your identifications is real. Is this some sort of a practical joke?"

"What!" Raven demanded. "The Teen Titans are recognized the world over!"

"I've never heard of you," the guard remarked.

"Excuse me, but what is wrong with my passport?" Ranma-chan asked. "Nabiki assured me that it was a legal passport."

"Oh, it is technically legal," the guard confirmed. "However, there is no way it can be real."

"Why not? How can it not be real if it is legal?" the confused redhead asked.

"Do you honestly expect me to believe that you and this boy are the same person? You don't even have the same hair color!"

"Give me a warm glass of water and a dry place to stand, and I'll prove it," Ranma-chan pouted.

"Let me try something," Raven suggested. "You do not need to see our identification. These are not the droids you are looking for," she intoned.

"I do not need to see your identification," the guard replied, as though in a trance. "These are not the droids I am looking for." At this point, the guard started to let them thru, before shaking his head, clearing it. "Hey! That Jedi mind junk won't work on me!" Well, if the two travelers had droids with them, it might have worked.

Raven shrugged, "It was worth a shot."

"Look," Ranma-chan started reasonably, "we just want to talk to Admiral Winslow; then we'll be on our way."

"What do you think this is? Up Periscope?" the guard demanded.

Ranma closed her eyes for a second and Volanar-chan replied, "I'm sorry for Ranma's attempt at humor; he just saw movie for the first time a few days ago and has been waiting for a chance to mention it. I am the Tok'Ra, Volonar, and I seek an audience with General Hammond. "

"Well, why didn't you say so to begin with," the guard muttered under his breath, completely missing what pronoun Volanar had used. Anyone who claimed to be a Tok'Ra or a Goa'uld was supposed to be allowed into the SGC, regardless of whether he or she possessed proper identification. Various levels of security were necessary, depending on the incident, and this encounter looked to need relatively few security measures. "I'll call for an escort." After a short phone call, the guard continued, "I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but I am required to search the two of you for weapons."

"Who needs weapons?" Raven asked, casually ripping a tree out of the ground with her powers. As the guard gawked, Raven carefully replanted the tree.

"If we wanted to, we could kill everyone here barehanded," Ranma-chan replied sweetly. "And that is assuming they knew we were attacking. Then again, why would we have bothered to stop here if were going to kill you?" Regardless, Ranma started to empty her pockets, as she had been training with her weapon space. Out came several knives, swords, shuriken, and other assorted pointy goodies. After the cutlery was exhausted, Ranma-chan began on the blunt objects. A twelve pound bowling ball, numerous staves, and anvils followed.

The guard just stared as the pile of weaponry, all primitive by his standards, grew to be larger than the girl pulling them out from around her person. His eyes rolled back in his head, and he fell to the ground unconscious.

"It looks like you brought everything but the kitchen sink," Raven commented.

"Well, I didn't need a kitchen sink while I was in the ocean. There was plenty of water around," Ranma explained as Raven palmed her face again.

"What are the two of you doing here?" Major Samantha Carter demanded as she walked to the end of the tunnel. "I'm supposed to escort a Tok'Ra to see the General; the two of you are much too young!"

"Ah, Major Carter," Volanar-chan began, "you of all people should be able to sense that I am a symbiote."

"Why did you take such a young host?" the Major asked. Taking a host that young was more of a Goa'uld trait.

"In order to save my former host, I had no choice. It is amazing how much latent energy Ranma has."

"What is with the pile of weapons and furniture?" Sam asked, not sure if she really wanted an answer.

"Well," Ranma began, having taken control again, "the guard over there taking a nap asked us to show him our weapons."

"I'm sorry," Carter started, "but it is impossible for two girls to carry that many weapons."

"I wasn't the one with the weapons!" Raven protested.

Volanar-chan sighed, wanting to get to her meeting with General Hammond. Thus, she explained, "Ranma was taught a martial arts technique that allows her to form subspace pockets around her person. While Ranma doesn't actually use weapons to fight, she is currently training herself in order to increase her ability to store matter in subspace." Given a relatively logical explanation, Samantha was content, for the moment.

"Um, anyways," Ranma-chan continued. "I just have a few more things left."

As she continued to pull more items from around her person, Raven grabbed one and held it up accusingly. "So you had no idea where it went, huh?" the purpled haired girl demanded, waving an empty pizza box under the redhead's nose.

Ranma-chan waved her hands in a warding gesture, saying, "I didn't eat them! I swear! I put the leftover pizza in there before we left! I don't know who could have eaten it!"

"All right," Raven conceded. "If I didn't know how horrible of a liar you are, I wouldn't believe you. Now finish emptying your pockets so we can get this trip over with!"

Ranma continued to empty her weapon space until a small, suspiciously green mouse was pulled out. The mouse turned into a green boy wearing a jumpsuit before saying, "Dude, I never wanna do that again!"

"Who is this?" Major Carter asked, getting slightly annoyed at the delays.

"Ah heh heh; I'm Beast Boy, "The green youth said.

Raven quirked an eyebrow and asked, "What were you doing there in the first place?"

"Well, I saw Ranma taking the pizza before you left," Garfield began. "It was so unfair that you two would get all of it! So, I turned into a fly and hopped a ride right before the box vanished into that dark place. At least I got to eat the pizza."

"Well, that's what you get for eating our pizza!" Ranma declared. "Now go back to the Tower. You have no reason to be here."

"Well, neither does Raven!" Beast Boy whined.

"I am trying to see if Ranma can help me with a personal problem. Thus, I need to travel with him until I find out for sure," Raven explained. "You, on the other hand, have no business with Ranma." Thoroughly beaten, Beast Boy begins his slow, wandering march back to Jump City and the Tower.

"If there will be no further interruptions, follow me, please," Sam ordered, leading the two youths into the mountain.

"So, can I get some warm water before we go see the General?" Ranma-chan asked, wanting to meet Hammond in her true form.

"No!" Volanar enjoined. "You know how the curse gives me a headache."

"You forget that I can ease your pain," Raven stated calmly. "Why don't you let Ranma change so _he'll_ be more comfortable?"

"Yes!" Ranma exclaimed, doing a little victory dance. "I'm going to be male again! I'm going to be male again! I'm going to be… What?" Ranma-chan stopped her song and dance when she noticed the looks Samantha was giving her. "I haven't been male since that thunderstorm two days ago!"

"A more reasonable explanation had had better be forthcoming," Major Carter warned, leading the two girls into the briefing room. "Teal'c will watch you until I get back with the water or the others get here," she explained, gesturing to a large, muscular man. "Don't try anything."

"Don't worry," Raven started reassuringly, "if we were going to do anything, we would have done it by now."

"Yeah, unless Ryoga shows up, somehow, we should keep any property damage down to a minimum." Ranma stated, glibly. The SGC had better hope they weren't just jinxed. As soon as the Major had left to fetch the cup of water, Ranma-chan turned towards Teal'c and asked, "Wanna spar?" The Jaffa's only response was a quirked eyebrow.

"Ranma, we're trying to keep any damage to a minimum, remember?" Raven sighed, shaking her head sadly.

The redhead laughed nervously, scratching the base of her pigtail. "Sorry 'bout that, Teal'c. I just wanted to see what type of martial arts you use," she explained.

"Depending on General Hammond's decision about you, a sparring match could be arranged," Teal'c announced. "I am curious as to what styles of combat are taught on Tarrie." Ranma began to literally bounce around the room in excitement.

"What the blazes is going on here?" the General demanded as he walked into the briefing room. Ranma abruptly stopped her bouncing and fell to the floor. As she stood up, Daniel, Jack, and Sam walked in. "There had better be a good reason for why there are two underage girls in a restricted area."

Sam held a steaming cup out to Ranma and said, "I'm sorry I didn't get back here before the others arrived, but they were in the mess hall when I got there."

Ranma-chan took the cup and said, "Well, thank you anyways. It is probably better this way. At least I won't have to demonstrate again." She then poured a small portion of the hot water onto her head, and he continued, "I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this."

The symbiote took control of Ranma and said, "My name is Volanar, and I am a Tok'Ra. I have been on this planet for a little more than twenty years. However, this is the first time I have been able to contact you directly."

"What happened to the other girl?" O'Neil asked, looking for the redhead.

"I am he," Volanar replied.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Daniel broke in. "How is it possible for you to change gender like that?"

Ranma resumed control and explained, "I got cursed while Pops and me were training in China. Now whenever I get splashed with cold water, I become a girl. Warm water changes me back."

"So Jusenkyo isn't just a myth," Dr. Jackson began, excitedly. His eyes gained something akin to a maniacal gleam.

"I don't suggest going there," Ranma began. "Even if you don't get cursed, the locals are not usually accepting of outsiders." Hearing this, Daniel's eyes lost their slightly crazed look.

"All right," Hammond began. "That explains why Ranma is here, but what about the girl?" Turning to Raven, he asked, "Who are you, and why are you here?"

Raven answered, I am Raven (does she HAVE a last name?), of the Teen Titans."

"The Teen Titans? Who are they?" Sam asked.

"Why doesn't anyone here know about us?" Raven complained before answering, "The Teen Titans are a group of teen heroes. We've even saved the world before!"

Jack scoffed at that and remarked, "SG-1 has saved the world multiple times, yet we still aren't known publicly."

"That doesn't answer my second question," General Hammond pointed out.

"I am here because I have decided to travel with Ranma. He may be able to help me with an urgent personal matter."

"That's good enough for now," Hammond consented. "If you don't mind, I'd like Dr. Frasier to run your blood work to check for any anomalies."

Ranma just shrugged, and said, "Fine by me." Raven just shrugged, figuring her particular anomaly would be impossible to detect. Hammond called Dr. Frasier, and she came, got her blood samples, and left to begin her tests.

Finally, Jack asked the question that had been nagging him for some time, "So, what is it like being a girl, Ranma?"

Ranma, not used to this little thing called feminine modesty, answered, "Well, I need to adjust my balance, my breasts bounce all over the place when I run or jump, I have to remember to go to the bathroom differently, and, if I do it right, I can get free food." She sounded particularly smug about that last part.

"Speaking of your other form, where does the mass difference go?" Sam asked.

"I dunno…" was Ranma's answer.

"Magic is very real," Raven said. "Not all of it obeys the known laws of science."

"So, anyways," Ranma began. "Does anything exciting ever happen around here?"

"Indeed," Teal'c intoned just as a klaxon began to blare.

"Unscheduled off-world activation!" the loudspeaker announced.

"You just had to ask for excitement, didn't you?" Jack said accusingly to Ranma. The teen just shrugged. It was not as if he had somehow jinxed them or anything.

"All of you get to the control room and see what is going on," General Hammond ordered.

"Yes sir!" Jack said as he led the contingent to the control room. While they were probably supposed to stay behind, Ranma and Raven followed the others. "Have you received an ISG(?) yet?" the Colonel asked as he strode into the room.

"No, Sir," Sergeant Walter Harriman announced.

"Close the Iris!" Hammond ordered as he followed the two guests in.

"The Iris isn't responding!" the now slightly panicking officer called back.

"Is that wormhole red?" Major Carter asked incredulous. "The wormhole is supposed to be blue, not red!"

"Perhaps it is not connecting to an ordinary Stargate," Teal'c calmly suggested.

General Hammond grabbed the microphone for the Gate Room and ordered, "Evacuate immediately! Start closing the blast doors!" As his orders were followed, three figures stepped out of the gate. A second later, all of the personnel had evacuated the area and the blast doors were in place.

Now that their only way to see into the room was via cameras, everyone huddled around the monitors. They watched in shock as one of the figures, obviously female, screamed and punched one of the blast doors, denting it. Even more surprising was what the figure yelled, "Ranma Saotome! This is all your fault!" Ranma promptly crashed into the floor.

"Do you have an explanation for this, Ranma?" the General asked.

"Um…" Ranma began, scratching his head, "Well, I've never met anyone who looked like her. Her clothing looks like Ryoga's though…"

"Ryoga-chan, calm down." The second humanoid figure began, her voice identifying her as female. "How could this be Ranma-kun's fault?"

"Kasumi?" Ranma asked incredulously, having recognized the voice. 'How could this person be Kasumi? She is covered in metal!' "General Hammond, I think I know who two of those people might be. Can you let me into that room to see if I'm right?"

"I'm sorry, Ranma, but I can't risk compromising base security. I can't allow the blast doors to be opened." Hammond explained.

"I can get him in without the doors opening," Raven offered.

"How?" Samantha asked.

Raven smirked and said, "Magic."

"I don't care how you do it," General Hammond began. "If you two can stop those three from causing any more damage, do it!"

"Gladly," Raven said, before grabbing Ranma and sinking into the floor with him. Only a few seconds passed before the pair became visible in the Gate Room.

"Ryoga, is that you?" Ranma asked upon clearly seeing the pig-girl.

"Ranma, for making me become a pig-girl, prepare to die!" Ryoga-chan bellowed, charging at Ranma.

"How is that my fault?" Ranma demanded, easily dodging the wild charge. The charging pig-girl crashed into a barrier of black energy before she could crash into the other blast door.

"If you hadn't gone on your trip to America, I wouldn't have needed to take Kasumi to the market, and we wouldn't have ended up at Jusenkyo!"

"What are you complaining about? At least you won't be considered a main course anymore!"

At this, Ryoga-chan's anger ebbed and she said, "You do have a point there."

"Hello, Ranma-kun," Kasumi greeted from her place on the ramp. She was indeed covered with mechanical components; however they were not as pronounced as they had once been. "Who is your friend?"

"I am Raven," the Titan answered. She looked into the camera and said, "I think you can open the doors now."

While the group in the Gate room waited for the doors to open, Ranma took a closer look at Kasumi, and noticed that something was different, "Hey, Kasumi, what happened to ya?"

"Oh, you mean my appearance?" the ex-drone asked. "I seem to have been assimilated into what is called the 'Borg Collective,' but I'm getting better now."

Soon the doors opened, and Teal'c walked in, a Zatnicketal at the ready. "Ranma, you are to lead your friends to the Briefing Room," Teal'c announced evenly. "I am to follow in case they intend to cause any harm." This said, Ranma began to lead the odd procession to the Briefing Room.

"How did you two, and that creature that is with you, manage to get here, anyways?" General Hammond asked as the group entered the Briefing Room where he waited with the rest of SG-1.

"Um," Ryoga-chan began, nervously. "I got Kasumi and me a little lost while we were shopping…"

"A little lost!" Ranma demanded. "You managed to get to CHINA! Did you even see a large body of water after you left Japan?"

Kasumi answered, "No, we did not. Apparently I was extremely lucky, though."

"What do you mean?" Doctor Jackson asked.

"Well," Kasumi began. "I fell into a cursed spring while at Jusenkyo, but it didn't change me at all. Poor Ryoga, here, has been cursed twice." What are the chances that Kasumi gets cursed again before the story is over? Place your bets!

"Is it just me, or does the Spring of Drowned Girl seem very popular?" Raven asked rhetorically.

"Chansey!" the egg-like creature spoke up in agreement.

"That doesn't explain how you got here, or what that thing is," Sam pressed, gesturing towards the Borg Chansey.

"Oh my," Kasumi started. "That is just Chansey, a PokeMon that I accidentally assimilated."

"Assimilated?" Jack asked. "You're a Borg!" he declared. "Why does she get to be a Borg while I can't even name the Prometheus 'Enterprise'?"

"Yes," Kasumi explained. "The Borg uses nanoprobes to absorb the uniqueness of individuals into their collective. I had been fighting the urge to assimilate anyone for some time before I accidentally assimilated Chansey here. Now, however, I don't feel that urge at all." All hail the spiffiness that is the Madness Maze…

"I'm sorry to interrupt," Jackson started, "but what is a PokeMon? I have never heard of those before."

"Eh heh," Ryoga-chan laughed nervously yet again. "I think they might belong to a different universe or something…"

"Didn't you say you just got a little lost?" Sam asked. "How did you get into another universe?"

"Some things are better left unknown," Teal'c mentioned wisely. Indeed, their minds could implode if they were to learn the truth. Well, Daniel might be able to withstand it, but he's been dead at least three times and was once (or twice?) ascended.

"Um," Ryoga begin, not sure how to ask for help. "Do you think you could bring Kasumi and me back to the Tendo's? We've been gone for four weeks already."

"Four weeks!" Ranma exclaimed. "But I've only been gone from the dojo for three weeks!"

"Oh my," Kasumi exclaimed. "But we left a week after you did."

Sam makes a note on a list in front of her and mutters, "Let's add time flow inconsistencies to the laws of physics this person has broken…"

"I can drop them off home," Raven offered. "It wouldn't do to waste the taxpayer's money on a taxi for two lost foreigners."

"Can I get some warm water before we leave? I'm tired of being female," Ryoga-chan asked.

"Excuse me, General Hammond," Volanar began. "My former host has recently made enemies that would take advantage of her new weakness, and I was hoping that I could borrow a shield generator for her until her dodging abilities are sufficiently honed."

"I am sorry, but no matter how much I would like to help, I must say no," Hammond stated. "Even though I believe what you say, I cannot allow alien technology to be released into the world. I hope you understand."

"Of course," Volanar replied, only slightly annoyed.

Teal'c bowed his head towards Hammond and said, "Ranma has displayed an interest in sparring with me. If it is acceptable, I would like to do so."

The General looked to both Teal'c and Ranma and said, "You have my consent. Just keep the damage, to both yourselves and the facilities, to a minimum."

"Can I join in?" Ryoga asked. "I have some anger to work out with Ranma."

"I think that would be unadvisable," Volanar stated. "From what I have seen, Ranma's matches with Ryoga typically cause massive amounts of collateral damage."

"I think I'll limit this sparring mach to just Teal'c and Ranma," Hammond decided. Ryoga glared at the two darkly until she was handed a cup of warm water, allowing her to become male for the first time in just less than four weeks.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The match was held outside, as the rain had stopped recently, and almost all of the base personnel were there to watch the fight. Ranma was currently unarmed, while Teal'c was armed with a Staff Weapon. Granted, he was not planning on using its firepower, but he doubted the practice version would most likely not hold up to Ranma's strength. Sam gave the command, and the two combatants began to spar. They started slowly at first, getting a feel for the other's style.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The reason General Hammond was not watching the sparring session taking place outside of the SGC was that Dr. Frasier had called him into her office. When he had entered, she got straight to the point, saying, "I have found significant abnormalities in both Ranma's and Raven's blood work."

"What do you mean by that?" Hammond asked worriedly. "Do they pose a danger to the SGC?"

"I'm sorry, Sir, but I don't know," Frasier explained. "Neither of them is completely human"

"Of course Ranma isn't. He's a Tok'Ra."

"Even taking that into account, his genome appears to be only three quarters human. I don't know what the last quarter is, though. Raven is only half human, and I've never seen anything like the other half of her genome before!"

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Back at the fight, Ranma had just relieved Teal'c of his weapon. This was surprising enough for most of the crowd, despite everything they had seen in the past. Even more surprising, however, is that Ranma had used his tail, which had been wrapped around his waist up to this point, to perform the maneuver. When Teal'c tried to grab the Staff Weapon back, he missed and caught the furry appendage instead. Moments later, Ranma was on the ground, snoring.

"O'Neil!" the surprised Jaffa called to his superior officer. "I believe we should bring Ranma to see Dr. Frasier."

"Right," Jack confirmed. "Let's carry him in." Teal'c and Jack picked Ranma's slumbering form up and carried him into the base, heading towards Sickbay. "Dr. Frasier, we've got something that you need to see!"

"What is it?" the doctor asked, walking out of her office.

"Ranma appears to have a tail," Teal'c mentioned calmly.

"He has a tail?" General Hammond asked incredulously as he left Dr. Frasier's office.

"Yes, Sir," Jack confirmed. "I think he had it wrapped around himself as a belt before, so we didn't notice it."

"He's had that for as long as I've known him," Raven commented as she, Ryoga, Kasumi, and Chansey followed Teal'c and Jack into the room.

"Oh my, he didn't have a tail before," Kasumi commented. Not that she'd tell anyone, but she felt that the tail only made Ranma look even cuter.

"Put him on the bed over there so I can examine him," Dr. Frasier ordered.

Teal'c and Jack placed Ranma onto the bed and stepped away. Immediately after his tail had been released, the teen began to wake up. "What happened?" Ranma asked as he came to.

"I was hoping you could tell us," Dr. Frasier said.

"What ever happened, this was the first time." Ranma explained.

"While I'm sure Dr. Frasier would love a chance to study you more, I believe you should get going" Hammond announced. "Colonel, please show them out."

"Yes Sir," Jack said. He led the group back to the entrance of the compound where Ranma spent half an hour picking up his toys. Finally ready to leave, Raven enveloped the group in a sphere of black energy before vanishing completely.


	8. The Prophesy Revealed

Redheads and Succubi

By Jonakhenu A.K.A. Gecko-chan

Chapter 8: "The Prophesy Revealed"

This chapter has far too many languages to use normal quotations for everything. Thus, the following key has been provided for your convenience.

"English or Japanese" (I have Raven and Ranma speaking both, so it doesn't matter.)

"Mandarin"

These will ONLY apply to THIS chapter. Thank you.

I will also be using the spellings found in the Manga for names, unless they are being spoken in Chinese.

Sorry I've taken so bloody damn long getting this out.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

After a very brief detour to Nerima to drop off Kasumi and Ryoga, Raven and Ranma had arrived at their destination, Joketsuzoku. When Raven had revealed why she wanted Ranma's help, he suggested that they go and speak to the Chinese Amazons, as they might have heard of the prophesy Raven had found. Walking up to the gates of the village, Ranma greeted the guards in Mandarin, "Greetings, Sisters! I am here to speak with Elder Koh Lon. Please tell her that Ranma is here to see her."

Soon the cry of, "Ranma's back! Ranma's back!" filled the air, from the mouths of countless young Amazonian warriors.

"You know where to go," the guard told Ranma, ushering Ranma and Raven through the gate.

"Thank you, my Sister," Ranma said, before turning to Raven and saying, "Follow me, we need to see the Matriarch. She should be able to help you." He then took off into the village, moving through the crowd too quickly for Raven to keep up on foot. She took to the air, causing several of the Amazons too stare envious daggers at the levitating girl. Soon the pair had reached a large hut and waited outside to be admitted.

"Why, come in Ranma!" the three foot, when seated on her cane, Elder said warmly, gesturing for him and his companion to enter. Looking Raven over carefully, Cologne commented, "It is not often that we have a half-demon in the village. I assume Ranma is here because of you, yes?"

Shampoo walked into the hut half way into Cologne's comment, causing her to jump to conclusions. "Demon! Die!" she shouted as she attacked with her Bonbori. Ranma quickly intercepted the attack and knocked the weapon out of the angry girl's hands. One of the Bonbori broke a clay vessel of water, soaking the now female Ranma. The other Bonbori bounced off of the ceiling and crashed down onto Shampoo's head, knocking her unconscious.

"Now that my great granddaughter is taken care of, what can I do for you?" she asked Raven in Japanese, figuring that it was her native language.

"I wanted to know if you had any information on a prophesy that I have found. My name is Raven, by the way," Raven answered in Mandarin, surprising both Ranma and Cologne. Raven handed the scroll to Cologne to look over.

"Yes, I have heard of this before," Cologne confirmed after looking at the prophesy. "While it seems to be talking about three different people being bound to the gem, the prophesy can also be interpreted as giving specific details about a single person. For instance, speaking of a Son, and then the 'Daughter of the Same Birth' can either mean fraternal twins, or a Jusenkyo curse. Due to the wording, I would say that it is the latter. For instance, the 'Wild Rice Picking Girl' may be a reference to a name."

"Well, it can't be my name," Ranma declared. "My name means 'Chaos Horse Rice Picking Girl'"

"Yes," Volanar stated, surprising the Elder. "But Ranma can be misinterpreted as 'Wild,' if one were to use an inaccurate dictionary."

"Ranma, what has happened to you?" Cologne asked, worried.

"Oh, I just started renting out my head to snakes," the girl replied. "Don't worry; Volanar won't try anything."

"If you say so, child," Cologne said wearily before turning back to the scroll. "The Panda reference definitely applies to you, Ranma, as your father is one of only a few to have ever fallen into that particular spring. Raven, I can assume that you are the Gem, correct?"

"Unfortunately."

"The part about the Holy Ring confuses me, though," Cologne muttered, pondering its significance.

Shampoo chose this moment as the perfect opportunity to wake up. She looked over at Ranma and walked over to her. She cupped the redhead's cheek and kissed her on the lips. "Wo ai ne, arien," she said softly. Ranma was too shocked to even move as Shampoo sat herself down on her lap, hugging her happily.

"Of course!" Cologne exclaimed. "In western culture, it is customary to use a ring to symbolize one's marriage vows!" Turning to Raven, she continued, "Congratulations, daughter in law."

"WHAT!" both Ranma-chan and Raven yelled.

"You defeated me in battle, Ranma," Shampoo explained. "Now we are married, according to Amazonian law."

"I thought you said Uuchan and I were exempt from the kisses, Koh Lon!" Ranma shouted, while not attempting to get Shampoo off of him. It was safer to not resist at this point.

"The two of you were exempt," Cologne explained. "However, when the panda dragged the two of you away, the Council decided to reinstate the Kiss of Marriage for you. Ukyo is still perfectly safe."

Cologne's earlier phrasing finally reached Shampoo's brain through her glee, prompting her to question, "Great Grandmother, why did you call Demon Girl 'daughter in law'?"

Cologne smiled at her recently 'married' great granddaughter and said, "Do to the prophesy Raven has brought here, she and Ranma must be wed. I'm sorry, but you are just going to have to share him."

"But I'm already engaged!" Ranma protested. Even though he had just met Akane, his honor wouldn't allow him to cheat on her.

"Why do I have to share Ranma with a demon?!" Shampoo demanded.

"I'm not a demon!" Raven protested. "I can't help who my father was, but I didn't ask for this, either!"

Cologne smirked at the children and said, "I'll leave the three of you here to consummate your mutual marriage. There is hot water on the fire, Ranma." With this, Cologne po-goed out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Shampoo glared at her co-wife and growled, "I refuse to accept this unless you beat me in a fight! I will not allow my husband o be married to a weak woman!"

Cologne poked her head back in, having been eavesdropping from the outside, and said, "If that is what you want, then the three of you follow me." Cologne led the three 'newlyweds' out of the village and up a trail that had Ranma sweating bullets.

"Why are we heading to Jusenkyo?" the redhead asked, nervously.

"Shampoo and Raven will spar over the springs. The first one to fall in will lose. If they both fall in, then they are equally matched. There will be no Kiss of Death if you lose; do you understand, Shampoo?"

"I do," the purple trussed girl replied, sadly. She may be the best warrior her age at the village, but she had never fought a half demon before.

"Good," Cologne said. Finally, after a long hike, they had arrived at the cursed training grounds. "Raven, Shampoo, get ready." Both girls took there positions over the springs. Raven looked particularly nervous, due to the amount of magic in the air. She could feel tendrils of power pulling at her from several of the springs, trying to drag her in. "Ready? Good. Fight!" At the command, the girls leapt into action.

Shampoo charged Raven and launched a powerful kick at the girl. Raven blocked the strike with an energy barrier. She then retaliated with a punch, which Shampoo easily dodged. As the fight began to heat up, it became more and more apparent that the wo girls were almost evenly matched. Unfortunately, today was not the day when a victor would be decided.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Jinx walked through the forest, muttering to herself. "Why am I even following Brother Blood's last order? I don't work for him anymore! I can't believe he engaged me to that little punk! And now I have to try to turn him to crime? If he isn't a villain yet, he never will be! Especially with how his father was!" The pink haired member of the Hive Academy let out an enormous hex bolt of frustration. Everything in the area had a sudden bout of bad luck. Trees fell, predators missed their prey, the prey fell into chasms that opened below them, a regional guide fell into his latrine, and two bamboo poles broke.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Ranma-chan stepped to the side as a tree fell next to her. 'Odd,' she thought. 'That felt familiar, somehow.' Cologne had also escaped unscathed. The two combatants, on the other hand, had been dunked into two of the pools when the poles they had been standing on snapped.

"Ayiah!" the Guide called as he ran out of his hut in a clean set of clothing. "Honored customers fall into springs. Is very bad!" Using a net, he retrieved Shampoo from her pool and placed her on the ground. "You cursed with Spring of Drowned Red Panda. No know why you purple." Walking over to the other pool, the Guide said, "This one is sorry, but Honored Customer fell into Spring of Drowned Mercenaria mercenaria. No can help her." At this point, he noticed the thing swimming towards the edge of the pool. "What this? You no is clam? Ayiah! This must be Spring of Drowned Creature Nature Never Intended!" Scooping Raven out of the water, the Guide brought both of the newly cursed girl over to Ranma and Cologne.

"Merow!" Raven exclaimed in anger. Ranma took one look at the two girls and ran off screaming. Both girls looked far to feline for him. In fact, Raven looked just like a cat with hedgehog spines down her back. The fact that both girls now sported purple fur had not dissuaded Ranma from thinking that they were 'Creatures from Hell.' Shampoo actually looked more like a purple raccoon than a cat, but Ranma wasn't being picky.

"Oh dear," Cologne muttered. "I guess we'll have to send the two of you to him. It looks like he'll make it to Japan within three days at that rate. He might even get across the sea dry."

The Guide poured hot water on the girls, politely looking away as they put on dry clothes. Raven said, "I know where he's headed. We can find him there."

oooooooooooooooooooooo

(Normal speech from here on)

It did not, in fact, take Ranma three days to reach Japan. Instead it took nearly a month, as he had to detour whenever a black cat crossed his path. After the tenth he had started to get twitchy. However, he had finally made it to Tokyo, late in the evening, on the night of the full moon.

Ranma was walking through the Juuban ward, slightly damp, when she looked up into the sky. There was normally nothing wrong with this action, but this time, Ranma froze, staring at the moon. Her eyes glazed over and faded to white as she started to snarl. Her skin appeared to darken as she was covered in fur, which was fortunate as her clothes ripped apart as she grew. A mere minute later, a fifty foot, long-tailed ape had taken the redhead's place on the street. With an all mighty roar, a beam of destruction erupted from the beast's mouth, destroying everything between it and Tokyo Tower, leaving even the tower in ruins.

The energy spike, and the trail of devastation, alerted a particular group of high school girls. "We have an unknown monster destroying downtown!" Sailor Mercury exclaimed. "We need to hurry before it can destroy anything else!"

With that said, the Sailor Senshi, minus Pluto, ran towards the source of destruction, hoping to get there before anymore damage could be caused. "Moon filled nights are for the enjoyment of couples, not for random destruction!" Sailor Moon cried out. "In the name of the Moon, I will punish you!"  
Before the other girls could add their speeches, a roar echoed from the harbor, and the ape was hit by a fiery beam. "Oh no!" Mercury yelled, over the noise of the atomic fire. "Gojira must think that the ape monster is threatening its territory! If they fight here, all of Tokyo could be destroyed!"

Down near the harbor, people were running in a panic, screaming, "Run! It's Gojira!"

Also wondering around Tokyo that night was a red haired woman, wearing a traditional kimono with a brown belt instead of the traditional obi, and carrying a silk wrapped bundle. If looked at closely, one could see a strange shimmer around her eyes. When she saw the beam of light strike Tokyo Tower, she looked into the sky. "Yes, the moon is visible," she said to herself, before happily continuing, "Maybe I can finally find my son!" With that, Saotome Nodoka lifted off of the street and flew towards the source of the blast.

Back with the Senshi, Mercury was looking at her computer and sweating. "There's another high level energy signature heading this way!" Moments later, a woman in a kimono landed next to the girls. "It's her!" Mercury cried. "She's the third energy signature!"

The woman paid the fuku clad girls no mind, muttering to herself, "He just had to take Ranma away. Can't let him stay near his mother. Oh, no! That might make him weak. Hah! I've always been stronger than that bum! He didn't even teach my son how to control himself in his Oozaru form! I bet Ranma hasn't even learned how to use ki blasts yet!"

"Um, excuse me?" Sailor Saturn began nervously. "You aren't here to take over the world or destroy it or anything, are you?"

"Destroy the world?" Nodoka parroted. "Why would I want to do a silly thing like that? I just want to help my son before he does something he'll regret. I'm afraid he's not quite himself at the moment."

"That's your son?!" the Senshi asked incredulously.

"Well, I don't know who else it could be, considering that my sister's girls never grew their tails," Nodoka explained, oblivious to the girls' looks of shock. "Will you help me stop him?"

"Of course!" Sailor Moon exclaimed. "We are the pretty defenders of justice!"

"Good. First we need to take care of Gojira. Once he's gone, I'll grab Ranma's tail, and you'll need to cut it off with your glaive," Nodoka explained, looking towards Saturn. Saturn nodded grimly and prepared herself. "Don't worry, cutting off his tail won't hurt Ranma, it'll just cause him to return to normal," Nodoka added to make the girl feel better about what she was about to do.

After the next nuclear blast hit Ranma, the Saiyan responded with a breath attack of his own. Nodoka quickly added her own ki blast towards the kaiju. Realizing that time was of the essence, the Senshi quickly added their attacks to the mix. With a sound comparable to a yelp, Gojira turned and retreated back into the sea.

With the more persistent danger gone, Nodoka turned her attention to her son. With a short, wordless yell, she lunged and caught the thick tail, rendering the Oozaru mostly harmless. Saturn quickly jumped forward, bringing her glaive to bear. With a single stroke, the impossibly sharp blade severed the tail. Instantly the ape began to shrink. Oddly, it shrank up, rather than down, causing the resultant figure to fall nearly forty feet to the ground. Luckily, Saturn managed to catch the former ape before (s)he could hit the ground.

"Oh, thank you!" Nodoka cried as she dove in, hugging both Ranma and Saturn. "You're such a sweet girl."

"Um, you said that this is your son, right?" Saturn asked with a blush.

"Of course. He's the only one I know of who can transform like that but wouldn't be able to control himself. Why do you ask?"

"Er, well, the person I caught is a girl," Saturn admitted.

"What?" Nodoka asked, finally looking down at the person in Saturn's arms. Her nudity made it abundantly clear that she was, in fact, female. "This doesn't make any sense," Nodoka started, "My nieces never grew tails, and I've only ever had Ranma. Did another Saiyan manage to find his way here?"

Mercury pulled out her computer again and did a few quick scans. "No, ma'am. According to my scans, she's your daughter, though deeper scans show several strange magical signatures."

"Thank you, dear." Nodoka took a closer look at the girl in Saturn's arms, and commented, "She does look like I did at her age." She then looked closer at Saturn, and exclaimed, "Oh my! Hotaru, it is you!"

"Eep!" Saturn squeaked.

"How did you…" Moon began, before Nodoka interrupted her.

"We should probably continue this someplace private. The police should be arriving soon. Why don't you lead the way?" With that, the scouts took off, Saturn still carrying the sleeping redhead, heading back to the Hikawa Shrine.


End file.
